In fact, as I write this, I had planned to be feeding him his last feed before bed and thought I'd have half an hour to get this written, but he's gone off already, is fast asleep in his Sleepyhead and I'm going to make the most of every minute of sleep I can get. This blog post is being saved in my drafts and will have to be finished at a later date!!
2 days later and I've found ten minutes to continue with this post!
We are doing well. I feel, at almost six weeks in, that I finally know my little boy. I know what every tiny sound means, I know his cries and I know his routine. Mornings tend to be his worst time, he needs to sleep but doesn't drop off easily. He never fully settles into a deep sleep, having little feeds and dozing a lot. Unfortunately mornings tend to be our busiest time and the times when I need to put him down to make breakfasts, put washing in, brush hair and teeth, dress Henry and myself, pack our bag for the day etc. The list goes on. Anyway, things are considerably less stressful if we move according to Archie's schedule, so we tend to fit all of those things in around his feeding and often hope that he'll have a car sleep to cheer him up when he's over tired and grumpy. I'm going to make more of an effort to have quieter mornings and do things on an afternoon for a few weeks though. It's not great because it means I can't nap with the boys, but it will mean less crying and hurried trips to feed him in various places when he starts to scream in his pram. Luckily afternoons are way better, he basically sleeps and wakes every few hours for a big feed before dropping off again. It's the time to get washing hung out, washing up done, any tidying done and of course, time with Henry to play games and do jigsaws - things that aren't so easy with a newborn baby awake and wanting feeding. We often have a nap all together in one bed for the afternoon too which is one of my favourite things to do. The washing up can wait on those days; my babies will never be this small and cuddly and beautiful ever again. One day they won't want to nap, especially with me, so I'm making the most of those quieter days too.
Archie weighs a whopping 13lb as of Monday (5 weeks) moving him to the 98th centile and it also means he's gained over 4lb in his first 5 weeks. The health visitor was really happy with that, reassured me that it's impossible to overfeed a breastfed baby and sent us on our way again. He's getting through his babygrows like nothing else and it won't be long until he's wearing his 3-6 month things and size 3 nappies! I wish he'd stop trying to grow up so quickly. Unfortunately for me, I'm not losing any weight despite his amazing weight gain! I'm eating like a horse and so am just listening to my body for a few weeks because presumably I need the calories. I haven't put any weight on despite the enormous amounts of cake I've been putting away, so that's a bonus. I have about half a stone still to lose and ideally I'd like it gone before Christmas, a year since I found out I was pregnant.
Henry is still beyond anything I ever imagined he'd be when our baby arrived. I didn't know it was possible for a 3 year old to react to a new sibling in the way that he has and we are so incredibly proud of him. He hasn't been remotely jealous since his brother was born, not for a second. He asks me all the time if we can keep him forever, tells me he's so happy he's been born and tells his brother how much he loves him. He seems to have nicknamed him 'Arch' so poor Archie is usually called that or Simba these days! Every morning when Henry wakes up he goes straight to his brother, asks him if he had a lovely sleep and tells him he loves him. Every day. I can trust him to be gentle and careful, if I have to nip out of the room I know he won't wake the baby or hurt him, and he often shouts to tell me if Archie is waking up or if he's crying. Every time Archie cries, Henry translates it for me, "He just needs a little feed" or "He has a little pain". He's just gorgeous. I honestly thought he'd miss time with it just being me and him; after all, we spent all of our time together before, going to lovely places and doing exciting things. And being totally honest, I desperately miss that at times too. But no, he hasn't once suggested us going out on our own or leaving Archie behind. He just seems to totally accept that his baby brother is one of us, a Barker, and he's more than happy to share his mummy and the rest of his family with him. Archie has no idea how lucky he is to have Henry as his older brother.
This week I've been expressing a bottle every day to give to Archie in the hope that it'll get him used to feeding from a bottle and mean it's easier to leave him in the coming months. I have no intention of having a night away or long periods of time away from him, but I'm desperate to take Henry swimming or to the cinema or to maybe go for a quick meal without having a baby in my arms the entire time. "Me time" isn't remotely important to me this time, I know I'll get it back in the not too distant future and I can absolutely live with that. But what I won't get back is 3 year old Henry - my funny little toddler is changing every day and starts nursery in a matter of weeks, so I'm keen to make the most of my time with him and unfortunately his needs often come second when we have a baby who needs feeding and cuddling and changing, particularly when we're out and about. I feel desperately guilty for feeling this way at times, especially when my 3 year old seems to have adapted better than I have, and I absolutely love our time all together, absolutely adore Archie just as much as I do Henry. I just really really would like to go to the cinema and eat popcorn with my biggest boy for an hour. How ridiculous. Anyway, he's taken a bottle well all week, sometimes I've only expressed an ounce, sometimes 2 or 3, but he's guzzled it each time and Henry absolutely loved being able to help with the feeding too, it's just a shame he and his daddy aren't quite so keen to do the 3am feed!!
Having said all that about missing time with just Henry and feeling so guilty about it, one of the best times in my weeks at the moment are Wednesday evenings. Another thing I feel guilty for (you'll notice a pattern...welcome to motherhood!) is that I don't spend as much time cuddling and cooing over Archie the way I did over Henry as a baby. Mainly because I'm rarely actually sat down unless I'm feeding! So on Wednesdays, when Henry has been sleeping at my mum's and while Daddy is out at football, that's what we do. We park ourselves on the sofa with the tv remote, tasty food and plenty to drink, and we don't move. I don't put Archie down when he drifts off and run around like a lunatic to do jobs, I just hold him and talk to him, soaking him up in a way that's not always possible when we're joined by the whirlwind toddler. I'm sure I'll post more about our Wednesdays because I love them so much. In fact, Wednesdays might be the best time to blog too!
So that's it really, I'm sad that the newborn days are almost over, I'm not sure I'll be able to call my huge chunky baby a newborn for much longer. We have so much to look forward to - trips to London, Center Parcs and Spain, plenty of 'firsts' for both boys, cosy winter days at home and lots more. I just need to find some time to blog all about them...
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