4 month update

4 months. 4 whole months. I can't cope with how quickly these weeks are flying past. Archie has been pretty delicious this month. If you ignore the sleep (oh how I miss the sleep), he's been so so much easier than he was last month. He's such a bright and happy little thing most of the time, my little sunshine. I often sing 'you are my sunshine' to him at nap times when I'm rocking him to sleep and he really is. I can't believe we were ever without him really, I adore him so much, more than I ever believed I would. Anyway, I could talk about how much I love him all day so instead, here's a quick 4 month update:

Size - he's around 9kg or 20lb already, still tracking the 98th centile line perfectly. He's in size 4 (!!!) nappies and is in that awkward stage where he's between his 3-6m and 6-9m clothes, not fitting well into either!!

Sleep - Oh my god, the sleep. He wakes up ALL the time, rarely going more than 2 hours at a time, often waking up hourly for a feed. He hasn't had one good night all month, genuinely not one night of 3 hour stretches. I'm going to leave it there because it's just thoroughly depressing to even think about how long this might last if he's anything like his brother.

Feeding - He's feeding well, little and often still but I can live with that for the time being. Henry did the same but dropped feeds pretty quickly once he started on solids at 6 months so I'm hoping Archie will do the same.

Routine - I have to wake him up most days at 7:30 because we now need to get Henry to school for 8:45. He tends to then have a short morning nap of about half an hour at 9:30 and then a longer afternoon nap (up to 3 hours depending on where we are and what we're doing) at about 1pm. Evenings still aren't great. He goes down at 6pm fine with Henry but wakes on and off until about 9pm when he finally properly settles. I'm not sure why he doesn't just settle down for the night immediately and have tried everything but nothing is changing it. I've spent the last 2 weeks sitting up in his room for most of the evening trying to settle him back down in the dark so he gets used to it but it hasn't worked even a tiny bit, so part of me thinks it's just an age thing and we may as well have him downstairs with us instead of me being sat on my own all evening in a dark room with 2 snoring boys!! Henry was very similar, a real night owl, but he got to an age where he just happier to settle earlier so I'm hoping Archie will too.

Milestones -

• Archie can now roll from his front to his back and rolls onto his side from his back now too. He's desperate to sit up and constantly tries to sit forward - whether he's lying back on your knee or in his car seat, he just wants to be up! He's so strong on his feet now too and is happiest being held up on them having a little bounce around. 
• He still absolutely loves the water; bathtime being his favourite time of the day. I took him swimming for the first time which he loved so I'm hoping to do that once a week from now on. 
• He smiles and laughs a lot, he's a really really happy little soul and loves people giving him attention. He'll always reward you with a huge gummy grin if you smile at him or make silly noises or whatever which is just lovely. 
• He still coos a lot at people and makes all kinds of strange noises. He tends to have a little growl to himself when he goes to sleep just like his big brother did.
• He can hold things himself and is working on getting them into his mouth himself. He wants to bite constantly, I don't know if he'll get teeth early but Henry was never like this at all. He loves chomping on a finger, his fists or his Sophie la Giraffe that Santa brought him. 
• He still hates the car unless he's asleep and often screams for the entire journey. Having said that (touching every piece of wood and crossing everything as I say this), he has been a lot better this week so I'm hoping this is a sign of things to come and he'll continue to improve. 

And that's it for now. Like I say, he's just utterly delicious for the most part and although he's only been with us 4 short months, I feel like I've known him forever. My little Albicoccs.

A whole new routine

This week was a big week in our household; our baby boy started nursery school. It may not be a big deal for a lot of families, but having never left Henry with anyone other than my mum, it was for us. We aren't the type to leave the boys for a few days or to go on holiday without them, I'm used to having Henry with me wherever I go and I've been really lucky to never need to childminder, babysitter or a nursery for him with such a helpful and willing Marmar just up the road. So it really was a big deal for us. I didn't know how he'd be; whether he'd tell a stranger he needed the toilet or if he was upset or sad, whether he'd ask for help or listen to instructions even. It was completely unknown for us and as his first day approached I was dreading it more and more. The night before he started I cuddled him that bit tighter, kissed his blonde curls and it felt like no time at all since I'd been kissing his wispy baby hair in the hospital just after he was born. The last 3 years came flooding back and tears pricked in my eyes as I lay in bed thinking about how quickly my baby has grown up. Grown into the most beautiful, gentle and kind little boy. I adore him, so much more than I ever believed was possible. And now it was time to trust a total stranger to care for him. To me, that was a really big deal.

Meanwhile, unaware of my emotional meltdown at the prospect of kissing him goodbye at the school gates, Henry was laid back as ever about the whole thing.  He was mostly looking forward to wearing his new school shoes (that flash, no less) and didn't appear to have a care in the world. I dressed him on Tuesday morning, still wondering whether he'd be heartbroken when he realised that I wasn't going to be staying with him. Daddy came along for moral support, he too really emotional about leaving our baby with total strangers. We walked up the path together, me gripping Henry's hand tighter than he would have liked, him stomping along to make his shoes flash and Daddy trying to act tougher than he felt. Once we were inside they wanted to make it as quick as possible, understandably, and before I knew it I was kissing my baby boy goodbye and walking out, as bravely as I could manage but with tears pooling in my eyes. Mr B made the mistake of looking back and saw our little boy standing on his own looking a bit bewildered, with his key worker talking to him. He said that that's all he could picture in his head all day, our little boy looking a little bit lost in his new environment. He went in without a fuss, which pretty much sums Henry up. He does what he's supposed to do, he's not a fusser or a rebel, he just gets on with it and that's exactly what he did on Tuesday morning.

I went to pick him up an hour later and he was all smiles, telling me he'd had a lovely time and he'd painted me a picture...as if that wasn't obvious enough from the red paint which he'd managed to cover his white collar with. Y'know, the new white polo shirt that had never been worn before. Thank god for bleach is all I can say! And that was that. A few more snippets of information about a few crying children and you'd think nothing out of the ordinary had happened; it was just no big deal to him.

He went in happily the next morning and has done all week. We've had snippets of information here and there and that's the thing I've found hardest, not knowing what he's been up to for 3 hours of every day, it's just not what I'm used to. What we do know is that he loves snack time, has eaten raisins, a yellow apple ("even the skin") and a pear. He has friends called Charlie and Joey and he's managed the toilet fine by himself. He has to wiggle his fingers when the teacher wants them to be quiet and she rings a bell for snack time. Oh, and he has to cross his legs on the carpet. I know he's played in the sand and got sandy hands, he's painted pictures and played in the kitchen, but that's all he's willing to divulge for now and that's okay. It's something I need to get used to as he grows up. Its sad that I've had to let my little boy go a tiny little bit, sad that I've had to let him be that little bit more independent. But bittersweet too because I can see that he's so ready for it and he really doesn't need me as much as I'd like.

What is nice is the routine that we've now found ourselves in. The early morning alarm isn't great, but what is great is having us all up and dressed by 8am. Archie is in more of a routine already, bedtime is at 6pm every night and we have loved our lazy afternoons together this week. It's been one of my absolutely favourite weeks of maternity leave so far, despite us having been to nowhere majorly exciting, not having spent much money and having been Henry-less for 10 hours of it. And what I love most of all about our day is picking my little boy up at home time. I love the feeling I get walking up the path to school, I love peeking through the window and seeing him sitting in a circle with the other children, listening to a story. I love seeing his little face light up when he sees me and giving him a huge squeeze as I help him with his coat. That 2 minutes makes it all worth it and sadly I won't get to do that bit when I go back to work so I'm making the most of it for now.

And just like that we have a new little life, a new weekday routine and new habits to settle in to. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as I expected, it's been lovely to spend time with just my baby boy too and I know that I'm going to love our mornings together, just the two of us, just as much as our lazy afternoons all together as a three.

I'm so very very proud of my big boy this week. My three year old who was so quietly confident about the whole thing. Confident that we'd be back for him, that there was nothing he couldn't do. If only I could slow down time a bit; I have a feeling that this 'letting him go' thing is going to keep rearing its ugly head in the years to come and I don't like it one little bit.