Our last ever feed

As I write this post I am sobbing. My body aches to just go and pick up my sleeping baby and let him have one last boob feed. Tonight he went to sleep without a feed for the first time ever, in almost two years. It is time to stop, so tomorrow I won't offer a milk feed and will use the 'milk is for babies and you're a big boy' line which will be ripping my heart in two as I say it. He isn't a big boy, he's my baby. I'm not ready for him to grow up. But my head tells me differently and I know that the plan was always to stop feeding around now and we've really just been looking for ways to do it. Today presented itself with a perfect opportunity; a very sleepy boy who hadn't napped all day. I knew he'd go to sleep easily and quickly so I decided to just see if he'd be happy to cuddle in rather than having milk. 

I'm not going to pretend he was happy; he wasn't. He cried a bit and asked for boob but after 20 seconds he stopped asking and cuddled in. I rocked him and told him the story of Goldilocks and the 3 Bears. Apart from I didn't make it to the end where the Bears find their beds have been slept in because I was crying by then. I took 5 minutes to sit with my sleeping baby/big boy and reflected on the incredible journey that we've been on (sorry for the cringe American cliche there). I thought about the midwife syringing colostrum from my boob minutes after he was born (you know your dignity is well and truly gone when a midwife is squeezing your boob whilst prodding your nipple with a syringe). I thought about the struggle I had for two days to get him to latch and then the following weeks of constant feeding, day and night. I remembered the soreness and the tiredness that I felt, but the pride I felt each time I had him weighed or a health professional told me I was doing a good job. I remembered his refluxy cries and his obvious discomfort that later turned out to be down to milk and egg in my diet and I remember all too clearly the real struggle to be dairy free for a year and a half. The cakes I had to pass up, the tomato pasta that I had to choose from every menu because it was all I could eat. The lack of a chocolate advent calendar, Easter eggs, end of term chocolates and pancakes on a weekend. It hasn't been easy. But he was worth every second and every hardship. It's the most selfless thing I have ever done and I'm beyond proud of myself for sticking with it and putting Henry's needs ahead of my own for so long.

So for now my body will finally have a rest after almost three years of looking out for someone else through pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding. I will miss the sweet smell of my baby's night time breath and the way his eyes used to roll into the back of his head when he fed at night. I'll miss him gently stroking my face and his little grunts as he fell asleep feeding. I'll miss being able to settle him in seconds and hope to God that I still get bedtime cuddles every night.

My head tells me that this is the next chapter and that my baby boy really is growing up. I'm not sure my heart can take it...

Our Summer Holiday - weeks 5 and 6

Wheelbirks for ice cream

A baby-free day in York 

Friday night pizza and film 

Dog walks with Big M

A family outing to Washington Wetlands centre

Mummy baby coffee date at M&S and his first ever taste of a proper gingerbread man 

Culture vultures at Toddler Time at the Baltic

Watching the Millennium Bridge 

Baking with mummy 

Cheeky face, juice and snack whilst out shopping

Running through the trees at Wheelbirks

An adventure through Muggleswick woods

Picking strawberries at Lanchester Garden Centre

Swimming with mummy 

Picking blackberries and a walk through Houghall Woods

Saturday dinner at Sorella Sorella

Afternoon tea with mummy friends 

Our Portuguese Adventure - Day 12

I can't believe it's our last day today, our holiday has gone by so quickly. We've had a really lovely day filled with lots of smiles and made more memories that we can keep forever, so it's not too bad I suppose!! 

We went for a long walk but there was no getting Henry to sleep today, he was having none of it!! We went for our usual coffee and natas but had to stuff the pastries in while he wasn't looking and ordered him melon instead because unfortunately natas are egg and dairy heaven! He was a good boy though, and after a long walk and another coffee stop, we came home for lunch. I made us all salad and then Henry and Daddy had a nap while I read my book.

Once Henry was awake, about 2:30, we went down to the pool for a few hours and played in the pool and on the grass. Although it had been a cloudy start this morning, the sun came out this afternoon and the skies were bright blue. Once Henry started to get a bit fidgety we headed down to the beach where he had a lovely hour building sandcastles and burying Daddy's feet in the sand. He wore his sunglasses all afternoon and everyone kept looking at him and smiling because he looked so cute. We had an ice lolly on the beach and then went to a bar on the front for a drink. Henry befriended a little fluffy white dog called Missy while we were there; to say he loved her would be an understatement. Tonight when we were out he kept looking round saying "Miss? Miss?" in the hope that he'd spot her again! So cute. He played with her for a while, we all had a drink and then came back to get ready for dinner.

We decided to go back to Boca do Mar again as it's been our favourite restaurant and definitely the poshest, so it seemed fitting for our last night. I had garlic pork fillet and Mr B had swordfish, both were amazing. Henry was an absolute star and we finished off by taking him to the park and having our last ever holiday ice cream, boo hoo.

We're now all packed and in the morning plan on getting up, getting showered and sorted and then head off to do our morning routine one more time (long walk, get Henry to sleep, coffees and natas and then come home) before leaving for the airport at 11am. We've loved every minute of our holiday, we are both leaving so relaxed and happy, Henry has been an absolute angel child (apart from the two mini-tantrums about not being allowed to take the fly swat out for dinner) and we will most definitely be back to Portugal, if not Sao Martinho in the near future. The Portuguese people honestly couldn't be nicer, it is the most child friendly and safest place I've ever been to and everyone we've met has been so so lovely. 

Normal blog service will resume tomorrow - What I Ate Wednesday (diet editions due to massive holiday weight gain!) moaning about lack of sleep, more school holiday photos and leading up to weaning from the boob  (totally dreading that one). But I'm not thinking about any of that for now, so here is our last set of holiday snaps from paradise...

Our Portuguese Adventure - Day 11

We did our usual long walk and coffee this morning and then once Henry was awake, we stopped at another cafe for another coffee and Henry had a fresh orange juice. We had a wander and then came home for a while before lunch.

Mr B picked up another BBQ chicken from the shop on our street and we all enjoyed that for lunch. It was a pretty overcast morning again, the weather has been the one downside to our holiday as it's been really unreliable. 

Luckily the sun came out for the afternoon and Henry and I went to the beach while Daddy watched Crystal Palace at a bar on the beach. We joined him at half time for a drink and an ice lolly and then we went to the park. We walked along the shore on our way back and Henry squealed with delight each time a wave came up and caught his little toes. The sea is absolutely freezing here but so gentle and calm because it's in such a sheltered bay. 

We all came home for our siesta after the game and Henry slept for hours, we eventually woke him at 6:30 when it was time to bath him to go out!!

Once we were all sorted we drove to Obidos again because when we were there last week there were loads of horses and carriages to ride on and we'd said we'd take Henry back later in our holiday. Unfortunately there were none there this evening so we just had a wander around and looked in the shops instead. It started to rain so we gave up and came back to Sao Martinho...not the most successful trip ever!!

We put Henry in his pushchair and headed straight out for dinner. We went back to the restaurant we go to for our coffee and nata every morning as it's really reasonable and so tasty. It was packed and we got the last table luckily. Afterwards we went for ice cream and then wandered home for snuggles on the sofa before bed. 

I can't believe it's our last day tomorrow. Fingers crossed it's sunny so we can enjoy the beach and pool before flying home on Tuesday.

Our Portuguese Adventure - Day 10

We went on a different walk this morning and instead walked for a couple of miles through the sand dunes on the little wooden path which cut through them alongside the beach. Henry had a nice long nap and we stopped for coffee and pastries too.

Afterwards we came back and went to the pool for an hour, came back in for lunch, and then headed back out to the pool for another hour afterwards. Henry walked around the pool holding a little Portuguese girl's hand for ages, unbelievably sweet. He kept chasing after her and they played together with his toys on the grass for a while too. He's such a funny little thing, really loving with some people and ridiculously shy and nervous around others. 

Mr B went out to watch the football while Henry and I napped this afternoon and then we all had a lazy hour watching some TV and playing before getting ready to go out.

We went to the park on the beach first and then we went to a lovely little restaurant and all ate loads of dinner. Henry was particularly fond of the fish pate which he was scraping out of the tub and licking off his fingers as we were leaving. How can he be my child?! Mr B had a huge sirloin steak which was cooking on a hot stone when they brought it to him and I had lasagne which was so good.

Afterwards we went for ice cream and sorbet so Henry was happy and then we wandered home for an early night. I had to do some ironing so Mr B and Henry watched some Peppa while I did that before I put Henry to bed. Another lush day in the sunshine, can't believe we only have two more left.

Our Portuguese Adventure - Day 9

We went for our morning walk bright and early and had the usual coffee and pastry once Henry was asleep (we're so predictable, I know). He slept for about an hour and when he woke up we had a wander around the town. We found the tourist information office which has a new glass lift which takes you right up to the top of the town, a place not really accessible with a pushchair, so we hadn't been up that high before. There was a few little cafes there and a lovely pretty little church which was beautifully tiled and had a huge tiled picture of a horse with a Saint Martin (who the town is named after) on it and Henry was particularly pleased with that!! 

After we had a wander round we got the lift back down and we were heading home when we saw the little tourist train in the street filling with people. We'd seen it around a few times but there was never anyone around for us to ask about it so we jumped at the chance to go on it today; we knew Henry would love it! He really did and loved waving to everyone we passed and shouted 'choo choo' in his cute high pitched voice. It was only €4 for all three of us, so we expected that it would drive down the promenade and then turn around but we were out for almost an hour. It took us right through town and up to the highest parts on the hills surrounding the town. It stopped twice to let us off to admire the views and it was really (and totally unexpectedly) great. We took some photos of the beautiful Atlantic Ocean and our little bay and had a really fun time together. 

After we'd finished it was lunchtime so we came back home and I made us a tuna pasta salad before we went out to the pool for a couple of hours. Henry played, I read some of my book and Mr B swam in the pool (it's WAY too cold for me to enjoy a swim, I go in for Henry and that's all!!).

After that was nap time but I skipped my nap today and read instead. I was desperate to finish my book and it was amazing. My Nan (who is almost 80!) has been nagging me to read a book called 'Me before you' for over two years now, and I've finally got round to reading it. I fully expected an old nanna novel but it's the most perfect book, one of the best I've ever read. I sobbed through the last chapter and it was well worth missing my nap for!!

When we were all up we had to get a few things in the supermarket and then we got ready for dinner. We went back to Boca do Mar, which has been my favourite restaurant so far and it was so so good again. We got a jug of the summer berry champagne sangria and I had chateaubriand whilst Mr B had sole. Henry had some really tasty and tender steak with chips and ate the lot, he was obviously hungry. 

After we'd eaten we walked along to the park because he's been such an angel that we thought he deserved to run off some energy and I'm so glad we did. I don't think the three of us have ever laughed so much in our lives, my tummy hurt when we left. Henry was just howling with laughter at his Daddy chasing him and running towards him while we were on the swing and he couldn't breathe because he was laughing so much. It was so lovely and a perfect end to our day.

We had a quick drink on the way back and Henry had an ice lolly and now we are all ready for bed back in the apartment. I can't believe we only have three days left, but at the same time I am starting to feel ready to come home. We are all so relaxed now, I think 12 days is about a perfect amount of time to be away.

Our Portuguese Adventure - Day 8

We went to the local supermarket first thing this morning to stock up on a few bits and once we were home and had unpacked, we headed off for a long walk. It's been a gorgeous day here today, bright blue skies and no wind until this evening so it was a particularly hot walk!! We stopped for our usual coffee and pastry and the waitress even remembered our order today, we're that predictable!! Henry woke up just as we got home so we went straight down to the pool for a few hours. Henry loved being in the water and playing with the other children on the slides. There are two little English boys in particular that he keeps going up to and cuddling, he's so funny. There was a Portuguese girl there today and he was desperate for her to chase him, so kept running up to her, tickling her and running away! When she was at the top of the climbing frame with her friends he kept shouting "Down!" at her so she'd play with him.

We went in for lunch about 1:30 and made a lovely tuna salad before going back out to enjoy the sun for a bit longer before nap time. We all had a really long, late sleep today which was lovely. Afterwards, we woke up slowly and were really lazy for an hour so just watched Toy Story with Henry and snuggled (wine, beer and juice were opened and a few Oreos helped us to wake up too!!)

After getting ready we went to a little bar for dinner. We went there on our first night and Mr B had some amazing sea bream so he wanted to go back. Tonight he had sea bass and apparently it was even better. I had tomatoey spaghetti so Henry could have some of that as well as the fish. Although I'm now having dairy, most of my meals seem to be 'Henry friendly' anyway, so no nice cheese or creamy sauces for me!! 

It has been pretty chilly tonight in the wind so we went to warm up inside the cafe where we go for Henry's sorbet. He had his usual raspberry sorbet, I had the most divine waffle with vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce and Mr B had a Nutella crepe with nut ice cream. Serious calories but so so good. Henry charmed the waitresses and one of them gave him a toy car which he was so pleased with!! It made us laugh because when she brought over his sorbet we told him to say thank you but he responded with "Down there!" and pointed in front of him where he wanted his sorbet putting. We obviously need to work on manners!!

We had a final drink in a bar near home and Henry had a little dance in the middle of the restaurant because he realised it got him plenty of attention!! Little hoot patoot. We then came home and got Henry to bed before having a few games of cards before bed. Another beautiful and relaxing day with my two boys.