Before you have children you convince yourself that it won't change you. You'll still be the same person, you'll still enjoy the same things, you'll just have a little person to take along for the ride. The truth is, you do change and you change in every conceivable way possible and that's what makes you a better parent at the end of the day. The pre-baby me would have made a bloody awful mother to my horse and bird loving, busy little toddler. It's just as well I've changed really.
I spent the afternoon today at an RSPB centre close to where we live. I'm not really a fan of birds, I get no pleasure in enticing them into my garden with fat balls and I hate horrible flappy pigeons in market squares. Henry, on the other hand, is a massive fan of birds. And this is where the change comes in. I loved this afternoon. I didn't just love it because Henry was having fun, I genuinely loved it too. It sounds so cliched but seeing the world through the eyes of a little one is just magical. The pheasant eating out of his hand and feeding the coral pink flamingos, the tiny baby goslings with the protective mummies following behind, the beautiful black swan flapping her wings at the other birds to make sure that only her cygnets were the ones able to get to the seed we were feeding them. The huge slide and the view from the cafe, the stray feathers, just asking to be collected. It was all so magical to Henry and we had such a perfect afternoon together exploring.
Horses are also a huge part of our days at the moment too. I really really don't like horses, they absolutely terrify me. I don't get the whole 'horse thing' - you're either a horse lover or you're not, I'm convinced it's a gene that you do or don't have! I don't have that gene but it would seem that Henry does. I now take him to see the horsies close to our house most days, we buy carrots every single time we go to Tesco (always the loose variety, Henry has to hold one the whole way around the shop and I have to pretend to be a horse and nibble at it....oh, the shame!!). We read books about horses, we look at photos of horses, we make horse noises, play horse games. And I enjoy it, I really enjoy seeing my little boy so happy.
I'm a total baby bore, I claimed that I would never be excited about milestones and new words, about baby clothes or baby classes. But I love it all. I enjoy our Saturday morning music class more than any other time of the week, I could happily sit at the side and sob as I watch my precious boy shaking his hips and touching his toes along with the music. I am thrilled when he learns a new word and tell him how clever he is, telling anyone who will listen, not caring that they'll think that 'I've changed' or that I'm a total baby bore. If I could only afford one pair of new shoes, they'd be Henry's that I'd be buying, not mine. I take pleasure in him looking beautiful in a new outfit, I'm proud to take him out with me and I really enjoy choosing his clothes.
At home Mr B and I call each other mummy and daddy, we pull funny faces at the dinner table and play Farmyard Friends with Henry every single night before bed. We talk about our son ALL the time, about how he's the best thing since sliced bread and about how different we are. We enjoy going to the park, we enjoy seeing the animals at the farm. We know which local slides are the best and which shops have the best baby changing facilities. We choose restaurants based on how child friendly they are and how good their kids' menu is, never mind what we'll have to eat, it just doesn't matter.
You see, the thing is, I know there are people without kids who will read my irritating blog posts and my Facebook statuses and they'll cringe because 'I've changed', I really have. But I honestly couldn't care less because I'm happy, really really happy pretending to be a horse in Tesco, spending my afternoon feeding corn to the wild birds of Washington and coming home to my boys to play Farmyard Friends. Life is good, it's so very different to before but so much better in just about every way....apart from sleep, that bit is definitely way worse!!
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