3 month update

3 whole months. No longer a newborn. It's crazy how quickly the weeks fly by, especially because we've been so busy in the run up to Christmas. I adore him, wouldn't change him for the world but to be totally honest, he's been pretty difficult his month. He's suddenly stopped sleeping and is really quite unsettled a lot of the time. He only ever wants me, no one else, and I'm finding balancing that with the needs of a toddler really hard and rarely feel like I've got my shit together, as they say (sorry for the swearing, mum)!  I'm sure this was how I was supposed to be feeling a couple of months ago, but somehow the newborn days seem a total breeze compared with month 3! It's not all doom and gloom, we've had some gorgeous days together and like I say, I absolutely adore the bones off him. We'll get there. 

Weight: I haven't had Archie weighed officially, mainly because it's very clear to see that he isn't having any problems putting on weight! Using our scales at home he's around 18lb at 14 weeks old, tracking the 98th centile line perfectly. He's absolutely huge, gloriously chunky and I have no worries about his feeding.

Feeding: He feeds well. Often in the day still, and unfortunately for me, often at night too now. He's still exclusively breastfed and always straight from the source, I don't have time in my life for expressing and sterilising bottles etc for now so we've given up on that daily ritual for the time being. 

Sleep: Sleep this month has been really really awful. He's gone from sleeping 7 hours at night to doing no more than 2 at a time. He is genuinely sleeping worse now than he was at a week old and I'm just exhausted. Henry slept this badly, but I napped twice a day, most days, with him. The joy of a second baby is not being able to nap because of the toddler. Last night we were awake 7 times. I'm not even going to write any more about the lack of sleep because honestly, it's just thoroughly depressing and the less said, the better. 

Milestones: Archie first laughed just after my last update at 10 weeks. He will usually give us a laugh if we tickle him under his arms or on his thighs or if someone makes silly noises.

He constantly sucks his hands or anything that's close to his mouth, something that Henry never really did. He has a dummy, which I'm still horrified about (I absolutely bloody hate dummies), but I'm limiting it to sleep times and in the car, and to be honest, I haven't seen a huge improvement since starting to use it so I'm not sure whether to stick with it. He absolutely hates the car with a passion, screaming blue murder for the entire journey if he's awake. He will only ever fall asleep if he's really really ready for his nap, and even then he has a little 5 minute scream first. I'm talking real screaming, not normal crying. I hate it, I'm finding it so stressful and find myself turning down meet ups with friends because I just can't take the screaming on the journey. I'm so anxious about going anywhere a long way away and unless it's nap time, we just don't really go anywhere longer than 10 minutes away. I was hoping the dummy would help but it brings its own problem of not being able to put the dummy back in his mouth while I'm driving. Ughhhh

He's 'talking' loads now, making real loud noises to communicate with us, cooing and obviously enjoying being able to hear his own little voice. I absolutely love it.

I've made him sound like a really miserable baby but he's actually really smiley a lot of the time. You can always guarantee a smile for a photograph and he smiles at most people when they talk to him. He has such a beautiful little smile that terrible nights, car screaming and general difficult days are totally forgotten in an instant when his whole face lights up in a smile at his mama.

And that's it. I'm hoping the next month might be a bit easier for us but month 4 is notoriously difficult with the infamous '4 month sleep regression' being a really common thing for babies of this age. I'm so so excited for Christmas this year with both boys though and I really will try hard to update my blog some more along the way.  Here's my beautiful smiling 3 month old... 

Wednesdays

Since Archie came along 10 weeks ago, Henry has had a sleepover at my mum's every Wednesday. He adores his Marmar and loves going there, especially now I'm not at work and he doesn't have his usual mornings at her house during the week. I miss him so much when he's not here, the house isn't quite right; it's just too quiet I suppose. But I love Wednesday evenings with my littlest boy so so much too. I feel guilty for even saying it, but what I've learnt since having Archie is that mum guilt seems to multiply the more children you have, so I'm used to it! 

One thing I feel particularly guilty about is the fact that Archie rarely gets undivided attention. As a baby Henry hated being put down and loved being fed. That meant that he was by my side 24/7; on my knee, in my arms, sleeping in my bed. We were absolutely inseparable. I cooed to him, smiled at him, sang him to sleep, you get the idea. Archie just doesn't get that. Partly because he's a much more chilled out baby and is more than happy to be put down but also because I have no choice. I have a toddler to see to, to dress, change, brush teeth, read to, bath, play with, fetch drinks, feed, clean....the list is endless. I don't have time in the day to spend an hour singing or cooing to Archie in my arms the way I did with Henry, it's as simple as that, but the guilt is awful. So Wednesday evenings, where it's just us, are heavenly. I don't put him down if I can help it. We park ourselves on the sofa, I talk to him, cuddle him, feed him, sing to him. I catch up on all the tv that I would like to watch during the week (but can't due to our constant Ice Age, Peppa Pig and CBeebies watching) and generally devote all of my time to my baby boy. I also get a bit of a lie in (the toddler wakes up at 7am and is raring to go immediately as only toddlers are, whereas Archie is a lot happier to doze on a morning in my arms) and having only one child to get to bed and see to throughout the night is a proper treat too. When we finally drag ourselves out of bed, I get a proper breakfast and a hot coffee. Leaving the house with just one child is so much easier than two, so I love the calmness of Thursday mornings where I don't have to convince a 3 year old that chocolate isn't considered breakfast food or that pyjamas aren't acceptable clothes to still be wearing at lunchtime. Im sure poor Marmar doesn't have such a quiet morning!!

Having said all of that, one of the other things that I feel guilty about is the fact that I never get any 1:1 time with my big boy these days and I do miss it dreadfully. So for the last two weeks, we've gone swimming on a Wednesday morning, just me and him. My mum (you're seeing a pattern here aren't you? She's amazing) has Archie in the cafe of the leisure centre and I get time with just my beautiful big boy in the water. It's so lovely not dividing my attention, only having the two of us to get dressed afterwards and not having to stop everything to feed or change Archie. I've also managed to leave Archie a couple of times with Mr B while Henry and I have quickly popped to the shops or whatever, nothing majorly exciting, but such precious time with my first baby who seems to be growing up quicker than ever. 

1:1 time with both of my boys is so important to me, something I didn't anticipate before Archie came along. I hope that it'll be easier to make time for them both individually as they get older but I'm sure the guilt will still be there; I think it's just a mum thing!! 

2 month update

I can't believe we have a 2 month old; the newborn days are all but over and although that's sad in many respects, it's also nice to see Archie's little personality emerging and nice to feel settled as a family of 4, getting settled into some sort of routine finally. Here's my little cub's 2 month update....

Weight: At 8 weeks exactly Archie was 14lb 9oz, still tracking just below the 98th centile line in his red book. His height and head circumference were the same centile too so he's perfectly in proportion, just massive! He's in size 3 nappies and 3-6 month clothes. The health visitor and doctor were really happy with him, both very complimentary about how big he was from just breast milk, so that's always nice to hear. He had his first lot of injections which made him pretty miserable for a day or two and his next lot are in 4 weeks now. 

Feeding: He feeds like a pro, with no pain or anything for me. He feeds a lot in the day, but does sometimes go 3-4 hours now, particularly if we're out and he sleeps. He only feeds once or twice in the night which is great, and evening cluster feeding is rare...very unlike his big brother! 

Sleep: His longest stretch to date was 7 hours, doing 9pm-4am one night. 5-6 hour stretches are pretty common though and he's usually in bed for between 10-12 hours each night. The Sleepyhead is worth every penny and he settles straight back into it after a quick feed, usually awake too which is great. He likes to be swaddled too at night and I think that helps him sleep longer. He naps as and when in the day still, but always has a morning nap 90mins after waking up, and then a longer afternoon nap most days too. Apart from those two set naps, he tends to just sleep when he can get it (in the car, pram, sling or just when his big brother leaves him in peace for 5 minutes!)

Milestones: He's such a smiley, happy baby and so laid back most days. As long as he's fed, he's happy to lie on his mat or in his swing at home for an hour or be in his pram or sling when we're out. He absolutely loves the bath, kicking and splashing around the whole time he's in there. He coos back at us when we talk to him now too which is lovely and we're definitely starting to see glimpses of a little personality.

The big brother

Before having Archie I genuinely knew that Henry would be an amazing big brother. I wasn't overly concerned about how kind or gentle he'd be with the baby, I knew that he would adore his little brother or sister, so the only thing that worried me was him being jealous of the attention that the baby would no doubt get from all of us. 

I needn't have worried of course; I can't even believe how he's been this last 2 months, I didn't know it was possible for a 3 year old to love a baby so much and to be so patient and kind and loving. He hasn't once been jealous, or not that he's shown; he doesn't mind who holds Archie, if he's getting a lot of attention, if I have to see to Archie before him. None of it bothers him at all...thank goodness for him inheriting his daddy's laid back nature and not my impatient and jealous nature which made me a really difficult toddler! 

Recently he tells me he wishes he was Archie's mummy. At first I asked if he meant his daddy and he told me no because it was mummy who did the feeding and bathing and nappy changing. They're the things he wants to do. He helps with pretty much every nappy change; wipe in hand, he copies what I do and then without fail he takes the dirty nappy to the bin for me. That's his job and he won't let anyone else do it.  He helps to feed his brother, sometimes with a bottle of expressed milk, but usually just by holding the top of my boob while I feed, snuggled in to me and telling Archie, "I'm taking care of you, Arch." He constantly wants to cuddle him and smothers him in kisses, washes him gently with a sponge in the bath, takes baby toys and books over to him (dumping them on top of him!), asks him questions, sits for ages in front of him trying to get a smile out of him and tells him he loves him over and over. Recently he's started saying that when he's a man he's going to have lots of babies and has a little doll at Marmar's house that he takes great care of and cuddles in bed at night. When Archie cries, Henry tells us what's wrong with him. He's surprisingly accurate, distinguishing between cries "for a little feed" or cries "because he's got a little pain" and sometimes Archie apparently cries because he misses Marmar or one of his little friends and even once, because he was sad that it wasn't Christmas yet! Oh the imagination of a three year old. This morning I woke up with Archie and went downstairs to a plate of toast and a coffee all ready for me, simply because Henry had heard his brother awake and insisted that his daddy make me breakfast because "Mummy is awake and she'll be very hungry so we need to make her some food." He tells his daddy that I need a drink of squash because I "turn it into milkies for Arch" and once told me off for not drinking enough, insisting that I needed to so that his brother got enough milk. About a week ago I was in the bathroom putting on my make up when I heard Henry tell his daddy that Archie had done a poo and needed his nappy changing. Mr B said he didn't think he had but they checked anyway and lo and behold he had. For such a young child, I'm constantly amazed at how sensible, patient and loving he is with this tiny human, who has actually turned our lives upside down in a lot of ways. Gone are the busy afternoons of 'just us' and the mornings spent with Marmar and Parpar on his own while I worked. Gone are the cinema trips and swimming trips, the undivided attention and peaceful house. Of course we know it's all worth it, and we know that this newborn stage doesn't last forever, but Henry doesnt know that, which makes his reaction and attitude to his baby brother all the more lovely. 

He'll make someone a seriously good husband one day and I hope that he's right and that he does have lots of babies too, because I have no doubt that he's going to grow into the most caring, kind adult (and because I want lots of grandchildren to look after!). 

So if you read this when you're older boys, Archie you owe your brother a drink, and Henry, mummy owes you a drink too for making my life so much easier over these last few months. I hope that you and Arch, as you so affectionately call him, will always love one another just as much as you do now.

Autumn

Autumn is probably my favourite season. I can't think of a better time of year to be holed up at home with a newborn either. Both of my babies are September babies and this time of year will forever remind me of the happy days spent at home with them as tiny babies. There couldn't be better weather to stay indoors with a hot cup of tea and a cinnamon bun, scented candles lit around the house. It's the perfect weather to snuggle down together for an afternoon nap, waking up such as dusk starts to settle.

Equally it's still mild enough to escape the house when we're feeling claustrophobic. Perfect weather for picking blackberries and apples, for hunting for conkers and acorns in the woods, choosing the perfect Halloween pumpkin and wearing warm flannel shirts, bobble hats and wooly gloves for the first time in months. By the time February arrives, the hats are a pain, we long to be able to dash out of the house without wrapping up first. But in September and October, those warm woolies still feel like such a cosy treat to pull on before adventures outside. 

So for the next couple of weeks you'll find us in the woods, my pockets will be full of conkers, our tummies full of warm drinks and blackberries foraged from the bushes. I'll be making the most of pumpkin spiced lattes and PJ afternoons at home, snuggled up with my two little boys, heating on, candles lit. What could be better?

We were together

"We were together, I forget the rest' - Walt Whitman 

Being a new mummy is amazing. It is stressful; there are good days and bad. Days you think will never end and days you never want to end. There are days you laugh all day and days you cry. Having a baby so reliant on you to feed them and to change them and to settle them and to love them is so intensely amazing one moment and incredibly suffocating the next. There are days when you don't want to leave them for even a second and days when you just need 5 minutes to yourself. Days when you mourn the life you had before and days when you realise how empty and unimportant life was back then. Plans you have to cancel, friends you can't see. First smiles, crawls, steps, words, personalities forming. Moments lasting only seconds that far outweigh any long, difficult hours. You love your tiny new baby like no other; a fierce protective love that you've never experienced before. But with that love comes intense vulnerability - the worries, the 'what ifs'. 

These days, the days of 'just us' are perfect. Not the perfect you'd expect - plans have still been cancelled, tears have still been shed, feelings of suffocation felt, nights spent awake worrying. But still perfect. I don't want them to end. The days of just being together. The other details don't and won't matter. We were together. 

A little update

My blog has been a bit neglected over the past few weeks and the reason is simply because having two little children is time consuming! I used to update my blog during night feeds a lot with Henry, mainly because he would be awake for well over an hour at a time and I needed something to help me to stay awake. Luckily for me (but not for the blog), Archie is only ever really awake for 20mins at a time and only twice a night still. We've had a few nights with only one feed which is amazing and he generally does 3-4 hour stretches of sleep at a time (4.5 is his longest so far). I therefore don't need anything to occupy me during those long, dark hours and I often just feed sitting up in bed with my eyes closed until I feel him stop feeding, relax, and then I can lie him down again. 

In fact, as I write this, I had planned to be feeding him his last feed before bed and thought I'd have half an hour to get this written, but he's gone off already, is fast asleep in his Sleepyhead and I'm going to make the most of every minute of sleep I can get. This blog post is being saved in my drafts and will have to be finished at a later date!! 

2 days later and I've found ten minutes to continue with this post!

We are doing well. I feel, at almost six weeks in, that I finally know my little boy. I know what every tiny sound means, I know his cries and I know his routine. Mornings tend to be his worst time, he needs to sleep but doesn't drop off easily. He never fully settles into a deep sleep, having little feeds and dozing a lot. Unfortunately mornings tend to be our busiest time and the times when I need to put him down to make breakfasts, put washing in, brush hair and teeth, dress Henry and myself, pack our bag for the day etc. The list goes on. Anyway, things are considerably less stressful if we move according to Archie's schedule, so we tend to fit all of those things in around his feeding and often hope that he'll have a car sleep to cheer him up when he's over tired and grumpy. I'm going to make more of an effort to have quieter mornings and do things on an afternoon for a few weeks though. It's not great because it means I can't nap with the boys, but it will mean less crying and hurried trips to feed him in various places when he starts to scream in his pram. Luckily afternoons are way better, he basically sleeps and wakes every few hours for a big feed before dropping off again. It's the time to get washing hung out, washing up done, any tidying done and of course, time with Henry to play games and do jigsaws - things that aren't so easy with a newborn baby awake and wanting feeding. We often have a nap all together in one bed for the afternoon too which is one of my favourite things to do. The washing up can wait on those days; my babies will never be this small and cuddly and beautiful ever again. One day they won't want to nap, especially with me, so I'm making the most of those  quieter days too. 

Archie weighs a whopping 13lb as of Monday (5 weeks) moving him to the 98th centile and it also means he's gained over 4lb in his first 5 weeks. The health visitor was really happy with that, reassured me that it's impossible to overfeed a breastfed baby and sent us on our way again. He's getting through his babygrows like nothing else and it won't be long until he's wearing his 3-6 month things and size 3 nappies! I wish he'd stop trying to grow up so quickly. Unfortunately for me, I'm not losing any weight despite his amazing weight gain! I'm eating like a horse and so am just listening to my body for a few weeks because presumably I need the calories. I haven't put any weight on despite the enormous amounts of cake I've been putting away, so that's a bonus. I have about half a stone still to lose and ideally I'd like it gone before Christmas, a year since I found out I was pregnant.

Henry is still beyond anything I ever imagined he'd be when our baby arrived. I didn't know it was possible for a 3 year old to react to a new sibling in the way that he has and we are so incredibly proud of him. He hasn't been remotely jealous since his brother was born, not for a second. He asks me all the time if we can keep him forever, tells me he's so happy he's been born and tells his brother how much he loves him. He seems to have nicknamed him 'Arch' so poor Archie is usually called that or Simba these days! Every morning when Henry wakes up he goes straight to his brother, asks him if he had a lovely sleep and tells him he loves him. Every day. I can trust him to be gentle and careful, if I have to nip out of the room I know he won't wake the baby or hurt him, and he often shouts to tell me if Archie is waking up or if he's crying. Every time Archie cries, Henry translates it for me, "He just needs a little feed" or "He has a little pain". He's just gorgeous. I honestly thought he'd miss time with it just being me and him; after all, we spent all of our time together before, going to lovely places and doing exciting things. And being totally honest, I desperately miss that at times too. But no, he hasn't once suggested us going out on our own or leaving Archie behind. He just seems to totally accept that his baby brother is one of us, a Barker, and he's more than happy to share his mummy and the rest of his family with him. Archie has no idea how lucky he is to have Henry as his older brother. 

This week I've been expressing a bottle every day to give to Archie in the hope that it'll get him used to feeding from a bottle and mean it's easier to leave him in the coming months. I have no intention of having a night away or long periods of time away from him, but I'm desperate to take Henry swimming or to the cinema or to maybe go for a quick meal without having a baby in my arms the entire time. "Me time" isn't remotely important to me this time, I know I'll get it back in the not too distant future and I can absolutely live with that. But what I won't get back is 3 year old Henry - my funny little toddler is changing every day and starts nursery in a matter of weeks, so I'm keen to make the most of my time with him and unfortunately his needs often come second when we have a baby who needs feeding and cuddling and changing, particularly when we're out and about. I feel desperately guilty for feeling this way at times, especially when my 3 year old seems to have adapted  better than I have, and I absolutely love our time all together, absolutely adore Archie just as much as I do Henry. I just really really would like to go to the cinema and eat popcorn with my biggest boy for an hour. How ridiculous. Anyway, he's taken a bottle well all week, sometimes I've only expressed an ounce, sometimes 2 or 3, but he's guzzled it each time and Henry absolutely loved being able to help with the feeding too, it's just a shame he and his daddy aren't quite so keen to do the 3am feed!!

Having said all that about missing time with just Henry and feeling so guilty about it, one of the best times in my weeks at the moment are Wednesday evenings. Another thing I feel guilty for (you'll notice a pattern...welcome to motherhood!) is that I don't spend as much time cuddling and cooing over Archie the way I did over Henry as a baby. Mainly because I'm rarely actually sat down unless I'm feeding! So on Wednesdays, when Henry has been sleeping at my mum's and while Daddy is out at football, that's what we do. We park ourselves on the sofa with the tv remote, tasty food and plenty to drink, and we don't move. I don't put Archie down when he drifts off and run around like a lunatic to do jobs, I just hold him and talk to him, soaking him up in a way that's not always possible when we're joined by the whirlwind toddler. I'm sure I'll post more about our Wednesdays because I love them so much. In fact, Wednesdays might be the best time to blog too! 

So that's it really, I'm sad that the newborn days are almost over, I'm not sure I'll be able to call my huge chunky baby a newborn for much longer. We have so much to look forward to - trips to London, Center Parcs and Spain, plenty of 'firsts' for both boys, cosy winter days at home and lots more. I just need to find some time to blog all about them...

Week 3 - out and about

Three whole weeks old. The week has absolutely flown by and it's somehow Monday again. We survived our first week with Daddy back at work this week. Dinner was still on the table every night, 5 shirts have been washed for the coming week (luckily Marmar is on hand to iron them!) and both boys were kept fed and watered and most importantly, alive. I can't believe how much more laid back it's been this time - I'd love to know what I managed to do with my days when I just had a newborn Henry, but I certainly never had dinner sorted or washing on when Mr B got home on an evening! It's not that we're necessarily doing amazingly this time around, it's more that we don't care as much when things don't go so well. If I don't get a bath on an evening or if we've eaten beans on toast for lunch three days in a row, who really cares?! If the baby's wardrobe still contains all the things he's outgrown and a pile of new clothes to sort through, does it honestly matter? So we're still feeling pretty relaxed, we've been getting out and about more, my poor boobs are out all the time feeding and Henry's still loving life as a big brother. 4 happy little Barkers. 

Weight - Archie hasn't been weighed since last Monday but I can see how much he's growing. He's totally out of all his newborn clothes now (waaaah!) and into 0-3 sizes. I'll probably take him to be weighed next week at the health visitor's clinic. 

Appointments - None thankfully! A nice quiet, appointment free week!  

Milestones - As I said, all the newborn clothes have been put away and we're into 0-3 now. He's lost his newborn, curled up, puffy look too which I'm so sad about. His features are changing and he's stretching out more every day. Why is time going so quickly?!

Personality - He's generally pretty good still. Happy to be put down as long as he's had a good feed and he's awake for longer periods now too. He had a couple of really grumpy days this weekend where he seemed to be in some kind of pain or discomfort, possibly just wind or possibly silent reflux. Like his brother was, he is rarely sick, I think he's once brought the tiniest bit of milk up after a feed but that's been it. Silent reflux does worry me a bit though because Henry suffered so badly with it before we realised what it was, so I'm definitely on high alert for that. 

Feeding - He's feeding well and often still. My boobs have finally toughened up so all pain is gone, except for if he has a long nap and they're really full. He feeds a lot in the day, very very rarely going longer than 2 hours without milk, but will go for 3-4 hours at night still. 

Sleep - Not so good this week but not horrendous either. We've had 2 really bad nights and the others have been okay - he tends to do a 3 hour stretch from 10-1 and then wakes up 2 hourly after that. He's still in his Sleepyhead by the side of the bed and he usually settles quickly in there after a feed. The difficult thing this time around is the fact that his big brother is awake by 7:30 every morning and during the week when Daddy is at work, I obviously have to get up with him regardless of the night we've had with Archie. But it's fine, I'm absolutely nowhere near as tired as I was with Henry when I was often totally delirious during night feeds, waking up in a blind panic about where I'd left my baby etc! 

Days out - We've had a busy week taking Henry to his various baby groups and stopping along the way for lots of coffee and cake too. My brother came to visit for the weekend so we went to Harvest Day at Wheelbirks for lunch on Saturday and then for a lovely Sunday roast at the garden centre too. We've still managed to squeeze in a few naps on an afternoon which has kept us all going and actually, some of my favourite moments have been during those lazy afternoons at home, just me and my two beautiful baby boys. 

Henry is still loving being a big brother and just adores Archie. He's never once been jealous, never asked me to put Archie down so I can cuddle him or play a game with him instead, nothing. He wakes up and goes straight to his baby brother every morning, constantly tells him how much he loves him, helps me change nappies, tells me what Simba's crying about (it's usually because 'he needs milkies' or 'has done a poop', but this week it was also because 'he's sad it's not Christmas yet' and 'he misses Marmar')! 

A week postpartum - I feel good still, tired, but happy. The tiredness is nothing like last time though and we're managing fine really now that daddy is back at work.

I haven't lost any more weight this week, mainly due to the fact that I'm starving ALL the bloody time. Like I just need to eat ALL day long. And that's not to mention the thirst. I'm just going with it for now, I can't even begin to think about dieting or healthier eating at this stage. Hand me the cake! 

Accidental cosleepers

Reading through all the leaflets and general information we were given out in hospital this time, I noticed something that I found odd. Every piece of advice about feeding your baby said to feed your baby and immediately put them back into their Moses basket or crib, feet at the bottom. Sounds easy, right?! Except the majority of babies absolutely will not settle in a Moses basket easily. You rock them for an hour until you're sure they're asleep and then gently place them down into their basket and immediately their little eyes ping open. I remember getting so frustrated with Henry in the early days, or should I say nights, when he Just. Wouldn't. Sleep. I'd read all that advice in books and in the information packs that they give out in hospital and didn't understand why my baby didn't do as he was supposed to. Why didn't he love his beautiful white John Lewis Moses basket as much as I did? I could go on about those sleep deprived nights but that's not that point. Ultimately that's what drove us, and millions before us, to cosleeping. So surely instead of just the standard advice of always placing a baby down in their crib after a feed, we ought to also be helping new mummies to cosleep safely since the majority of parents resort to it at some stage after having a baby. I'm sure all too many fall asleep in the middle of the night with their babies in bed with them under the covers or next to pillows. Or even worse, on the sofa. They're tired. They've had no advice other than to put the baby in that crib which actually turned out to be an impossible task, so who could blame them? Anyway, that's a rant for another day and not the point in this blog post. All I'd say is, read up on the safe sleep guidelines before having a baby. A bedside crib is absolutely the safest place for your baby, but you can cosleep safely too, and after a serious lack of sleep, there's a good chance you'll end up doing it at some point, so it's better to be safe than sorry. 

Cosleeping was never part of the plan in our house, I don't think it very often is really, but a while after having Henry it was something that just happened gradually when we realised that we all desperately needed some sleep and this was the only way that any of us were getting any. We were all grouchy, baby included, Mr B was back at work and struggling with the lack of sleep, I was at home struggling with the lack of sleep and it was then, one nap time, that I discovered that cosleeping actually made our baby sleep! I was finally able to nap for longer than 15 mins in the daytime which is where it made the biggest difference to begin with. 

As Henry grew up his sleep didn't really improve and he'd wake up at night asking to be in with us. Again we resisted as much as we could, but the reality was we could sit on the floor next to his bed for an hour to get him back to sleep (several times a night), or we could put him in our bed where he'd be asleep in literally 10 seconds and the next we'd hear from him would be in the morning. It then became like musical beds in our house really ,Henry always started off the night in his bed and we would be in ours, but Henry and I usually woke up in the spare room together so that Mr B could get a decent sleep before going to work too. The bed in the spare room saved our sanity many a time. So that's how things have been for us for the past couple of years and it's been fine. Every night sees a different sleeping arrangement but we all get the maximum amount of sleep possible and everyone's happy, especially Henry. 

Roll on getting pregnant and I was worried about how we'd manage with a toddler who liked to be in bed with his mummy and a baby that needed feeding throughout the night. I tried not to think about it too much, aware of how quickly toddlers could change and naively thought that Henry might be happily sleeping all night in his room by the time his baby brother or sister was born. Except he wasn't. So on our first night home from hospital Mr B and I had a quick 'how are we going to play this?' conversation before bed....there's nothing like some forward planning and organisation is there?! Henry ended up sleeping with his daddy for a lot of that night and I was in the double bed in the nursery with Archie. It seemed like the perfect solution for now and we assumed night 2 would be the same....until Henry was sick in bed at 10pm and desperately needed his mummy. And I desperately needed to be there to cuddle my poorly little boy. Except I had another little boy who also desperately needed me for my milk. So there I was in the nursery in a bed covered in towels nursing Archie two hourly throughout the night, hand sanitising like never before in case he got ill and then mopping up sick and cuddling a poorly little boy in between feeds. Mr B obviously helped as much as he could with the sick but the reality was that neither child needed him, they both needed me. At the same time. Welcome to being a mummy of two!! I cried a bit, told myself to get a grip and we all got the most sleep we could that night, again thanks to some good old cosleeping. And since then Henry's generally started off the night in his bed and come in with me once he's woken up in the night. I've had Archie in his cot on one side and Henry cuddled in on the other. And do you know what? It's been absolutely lovely. I've missed spending time with just Henry and in the night after I've fed Archie and he's finally sleeping soundly again, there's nothing nicer than turning over and snuggling into my biggest baby for 5 minutes. Watching his chest rise and fall, stroking his blonde curls and listen to his sleep-talking murmurs as he instinctively snuggles back in to his mama. I'm not sure what is so wrong about meeting the needs of your child, and if that need is simply to be close to you while they're so small, then so be it.  I'm so glad that Henry doesn't feel pushed out or left out in any way and wonder whether his lack of jealousy is down to the fact that he feels happy and secure in the knowledge that nothing has changed since his brother came along, we adore him the same as always. He's allowed to sleep in with us if he needs to or wants to, and we're getting plenty of time to snuggle too. I feel like we're coping better with parenthood this time around too because we're all getting sleep this time. I'm napping with both boys pretty much every afternoon for a couple of hours and then sleeping as well as I can through the night, especially since Archie is considerably better than his brother was in the newborn days and also because we've ditched the Moses basket in favour of a Sleepyhead in the cot. If Archie's having a bad night, I don't think twice about having him in with me and I'm not up and down the stairs to Henry all night either. 

Mr B has been able to get a decent amount of sleep during the week before work and it means that he does the early shift on a weekend while I spend the morning in bed, like I have done since Henry was born. It might not work for everyone, but it works for us, and having my spare bed full of my little boys has been way way nicer than I ever thought it could be. 

One of these days neither of them will need me as desperately as they've both needed me this past fortnight and I know that then I'll give anything to be back where we are now, snuggled up together in one bed, nap time after nap time, night after night. 

Our night time reality, captured by Mr B as he delivered our overnight drinks before going to sleep himself! Henry and I in the big bed, Archie tucked up in his Sleepyhead next to us. 

* If anyone tries to tell you that they'll still be in your bed when they're teenagers or that they won't be able to ever fall asleep independently or sleep on their own, just ignore them. I slept in my mum's bed for years but I stopped eventually and I've never had any issue with falling asleep on my own. Just love your babies, sleep safely and ignore crappy advice from well-meaning friends and relatives. 

Week two - newborn life

My tiny little newborn isn't so tiny anymore. His little legs are starting to unfold and he's changing every day. Here's his two week update...

Weight - Archie now weighs 9lb 15oz as of today, taking himself from the 75th centile up to the 91st. Impressive work in 2 weeks!! He's obviously going to be nice and chubby like his big brother was and I'm hoping it'll mean I'll lose my weight nice and quickly too. 

Appointments - The health visitor came out to us on Thursday and weighed Archie and checked all was okay. We don't see him again until 6 weeks now. We also saw the midwife to be officially discharged and for her to weigh Archie so that's the last time we'll see the midwives now which makes me a tiny bit sad. Why does the time go so quickly!?

Milestones - Archie had his first ever bath a week ago and absolutely loved it which is great. I was really prepared for him to scream the house down but he didn't and he was totally silent the second he was in the warm water.

Personality - He's still Mr Delicious and really easy as long as he's fed. He's doing amazingly with his sleep and is super alert in the day now, although he does still sleep for the majority of the time. He doesn't mind being put down on his play mat or in his swingy chair for around 10 minutes at a time and seems to enjoy tummy time too. Another hit this week is the Boba wrap which he settles in so well (again, only as long as he's had a nice big feed prior to going in!). I did a big food shop with him in it and he slept the entire time which I was so relieved about....I'd had visions of having to abandon a whole trolley full of food half way around the shop because of a tiny baby screaming blue murder!!

Feeding - Feeding is going well and although it's still slightly sore when he initially latches, it's nothing to how it was last week. I had a blocked duct this week though which was so beyond painful. I never had anything like that with Henry in the two years that I fed him so I really wasn't expecting it. I spent the entire evening sobbing as I tried to totally empty it and feed Archie from that side; total agony. With some heat and hand expression it seems to have gone though, thank goodness! 

Sleep - So good for such a little one. Except for one night which wasn't so good this week, he's woken up twice for a feed between around 10pm when I take him up to bed, and about 7am when he or Henry wakes up (and inevitably wakes the other one up). He's generally doing 3-3.5 hour stretches of sleep and then feeding for around half an hour before sleeping again. I really can't complain for a baby so little even though I am still pretty exhausted! He's napping lots during the day still but we've been trying to have a nice long nap altogether on an afternoon and for this we usually have to cosleep to get longer than an hour out of him. Henry adores having his baby brother with us at naptime everyday and it makes my heart happy to be able to lie with my beautiful little boys, one under each arm, for a few hours every afternoon. 

Days out - We've had a busy week with it being Henry's birthday so lots of days out this week. Mr B and I went for a nice quiet lunch followed by some shopping one lunchtime while Henry was at Marmar's, accompanied by little Archie of course! We've also been to Henry's Little Farmers class followed by a farm shop brunch, to a little play centre called Tiny Town, out for a pub tea with all the family and then Archie and I went for a super posh lunch for a friend's birthday to Six at the Baltic on Friday which was lovely too. We then had Henry's birthday party at the leisure centre yesterday which was the last of his birthday celebrations. Aside from all that we have also had plenty of time at home together for naps and snuggles. Daddy is back to work this week so I'm sure it'll be a lot quieter.

Family life - Henry is still loving his role as big brother and has been a total angel again all week. He's such a big helper, genuinely, and I'm so proud of how he's been these past few weeks. We did manage to escape one afternoon this week, just the two of us, for an hour while Archie slept at home which was so lovely. Nowhere exciting, just Aldi baby event and Morissons for clothes, but it was so nice having both hands free for Henry and being able to hold his hand and chat to him like always without worrying about holding a car seat or feeding Archie or whatever. I do miss our days 'just us', so an hour shopping with my biggest boy felt like a real treat. He spent the day yesterday saying to his brother, "Simba I'm so glad you are born" - just gorgeous. 

A week postpartum - I'm still feeling really good and minus the blocked duct issue this week, I have felt totally fine really. I've lost another 2lb meaning I have 9lb to go to be back to my Christmas weight. I'm loving losing weight whilst still eating cake because I'm hungry ALL the time and that's not to mention the thirst which hits me every now and again if I've forgotten to drink!! 

And that's it. Probably our last week with a tiny, fresh, curled up newborn baby. I'm trying to enjoy every second, ignoring the part of me that just desperately wants a bath in peace for half an hour and remembering that that will happen again but these newborn days will not. So for now I'm enjoying the cuddles during the night and the cluster feeding on an evening and trying to soak up every last second of my tiny little baby boy.

Henry at 3

I cannot believe that my beautiful baby boy is three today. Three. Those years have whizzed by and yet I don't even remember what my life was like before I knew him. I never imagined that I'd be able to love anyone like I love him and now his baby brother too, being his mummy, just just a mummy, is the greatest privilege and we are so proud of our little Pigwidgeon, our little hen, every single day. Here's his three year update: 

Weight and sizes : Henry now weighs 2 stone, 5 pounds. He's around 95cm tall, although that's increasingly hard to measure these days since he's never actually still for long enough to check! His feet are a size 8 and he mainly wears age 2-3 clothes still, although he's moving in to some 3-4 things now too. 

Routine: We haven't got a strict routine as such since I've been on maternity leave for the last few months, but generally Henry will wake around 7ish and he goes to bed around 8. The lovely thing about him is how flexible he is with napping. Some days he has no nap if we're busy or if we want him to be in bed early that night, other days he has a short car nap and then other days he'll have two or three hours sleep in bed at home. I absolutely love our afternoon sleeps together and I'm not quite ready to give them up just yet. He's no longer majorly grumpy if he hasn't napped so it's nice to have a choice every day about his routine. 

Food: He's still a great eater and has a massive appetite. When people talk about having little boys that they just can't fill, I totally get it! He has a real sweet tooth and is particularly fond of 'circle biscuits' (party rings) and 'Kats' (Kit Kats) at the moment. He loves fish and any meat, potatoes and any fruit is still a hit. Generally so easy to feed wherever we are which is great.

Sleep: As long as he's allowed in with me for a snuggle in the night, his sleep is good! If he was to cosleep all night, I doubt he'd ever even wake up at all, but he does still start off in his bed in his room and then comes up to us at some point in the night. I really don't mind it and there are nights that I absolutely love having him close to snuggle. He's only this little once, he won't want to share his mummy's bed in ten years time so we're making the most of it and just all trying to get the maximum amount of sleep possible for the time being. 

Milestones/other random things 

• Henry knows and recognises most simple shapes including a square, rectangle, triangle, circle, parallelogram, semi circle and kite. We have a couple of great shape games that he loves to play and for some reason he loves trying to make different shapes with his napkin whenever we're out for dinner! 

• He can count confidently to 20 and can reliably count a set of objects to 10, very rarely making a mistake now. He recognises 2 and 3 objects without needing to count, for example the other day he said at dinner time, "why does daddy have three and mummy have two and me only have one??" (talking about our fajitas!). He's starting to recognise what numbers look like but only really knows 1,2,3 and 10, mainly from games and also from pressing the buttons in lifts!!

• He is now totally potty trained in the day and at night too. He does still wear a pull up at night, mainly because I'm too scared to take it away, but he's had one wet night in the last 2 months so that's pretty good going. 

• He is a total softie and cries at films if they're sad. He absolutely sobbed his heart out at Dumbo but insisted we keep watching to check that Dumbo got to cuddle his mummy at the end. He also cries at The Good Dinosaur when Arlo has to say goodbye to his friend at the end and The Jungle Book was trauma from the word go for him when Mowgli's mummy left him in a basket. Heartbreaking when you're a little boy apparently. Bless him. 

• His memory is totally amazing, he remembers things and places from months before, things you didn't even know he'd seen at the time. He'll watch a film and then recite and act out huge pieces of dialogue later on. That sounds pretty cute until he's playing with other children and you suddenly hear him put on his baddy voice and say (from 101 Dalmatians) "you bang em on the head and I'll do the skinning!". He knows the words to so many of his books off by heart so I'll often find him 'reading' a book to himself or he'll want to tell us or Archie a story. The voices he uses are hilarious and I think he's going to enjoy acting and performing when he's a bit older.

• His favourite things are dinosaurs, playing cars, acting out trains (shouting 'All aboard!' at the top of his lungs and talking about steam and engineers and conductors etc!), farms, all animals but horses in particular, cooking and being outdoors. He's such a busy little boy and playing in the mud, water, sand and exploring outside are definitely some of his favourite things to do. 

• He really hates upsetting us and immediately says sorry if he thinks he's done something wrong. Sitting on the 'naughty step' is absolutely his worst nightmare, so using it as a threat works a treat if he is acting up a little. 

• He is still the calmest and most laid back two year old I know. He absolutely takes after his daddy in that respect and it's meant that the 'terrible twos' have been the absolute opposite of terrible. I could count on one hand the number of real tantrums he's had this year and I don't think any of them have lasted longer than ten minutes. He's such a happy and gentle little boy, I honestly don't know what we ever did to deserve him.

So that's it, a little 3 year blog update on my very favourite 3 year old in the entire world. Here's to his 4th year, may it be as healthy and happy as this last year has been. I can't wait to see where it'll take us.

Week One update

I thought I'd do a little weekly update for the first few weeks on my blog, mainly to remind myself of these beautiful lazy days we're having, but also development type things for Archie and postpartum things for me. I can't believe we've only had him for a week; it feels like I've loved him forever.

Weight - Archie lost 60g (down to 8lb 10oz) at his day 5 midwife appointment which was around 1% of his birth weight. The midwife said that was the equivalent of a big feed or a nappy, so he's pretty much stayed the same which is brilliant, especially when it's normal to lose up to 10%. I think it helps that my milk came in so quickly this time around and he fed like an expert from being minutes old too.

Appointments - The midwife visited us at home on day 3 to check all was well. The house was remarkably calm when she arrived - both boys were fast asleep on the sofa cuddled into me, so we felt particularly smug about that! We then had to take Archie to the hospital for his day 5 check because the midwives were too busy to come to us and he had his heel prick tests done and was weighed too. We just need one more appointment by day 10 and we'll hopefully be discharged. 

Milestones - Archie lost his cord on day 5. Henry was particularly pleased about this as he really didn't like it at all when we were doing nappy changes etc.

Personality - So far he seems pretty laid back. He sleeps in his Sleepyhead in his cot on a night and is waking for a feed after 1.5-2 hours. This sounds pretty awful but compared to Henry at this stage, it's amazing. He doesn't fight being put down generally and is happy on his play mat or in his swingy chair for around 10 mins at a time....it's amazing how much you can get done in 10 minutes!! He's wide awake on an evening and a bit grizzly, happiest being left to comfort cluster feed. He absolutely prefers men and seems to settle for them a lot easier than women. Having Mr B being able to settle him is a real novelty, Henry was the total opposite and only ever wanted me. It's meant that I've been able to leave a grizzly baby with his daddy and been able to put Henry to bed every night like I always did; something I was so worried about not being able to do once the baby arrived. 

Feeding - My milk came in on day 3 and since then he's feeding well and lots! I'm quite sore on one side so I'm not sure whether he has a dodgy latch, but it's definitely started to improve. At night he feeds every couple of hours, but only for around ten minutes at a time which is so nice. My wake ups with a tiny Henry were epic and I'd be awake feeding for well over an hour each time he woke, so I really can't moan about ten minutes. In the day if we're busy, he'll feed less than if we're just sitting and snuggling at home; as soon as he's anywhere near me he's just rooting for a boob! 

Sleep - Really good considering. I'm not sure whether it's the fact that we're used to less sleep these days because Henry still doesn't sleep well after three years, or if Archie is just a better sleeper then Henry was, or if we just know what to expect this time, but this whole first week has been a lot easier going. He's generally sleeping in blocks of around two hours at night, although he's done 3.5 hours a couple of times and also a night where it was every hour. The best part is how quickly he'll settle after a feed in his Sleepyhead, which is in his cot next to the bed. I put him down half awake often and he'll just snuggle in and fall straight to sleep which is great. He naps all day still, some short little cat naps and then others which are hours long. I've been trying to join him every afternoon too, usually accompanied by his beautiful big brother to give me the best cuddles. 

Days out - We've really taken it easy this week and it's been so so lovely. At one point I was looking on my Timehop and there were photos of lovely outings we'd had last year and the year before and I suddenly felt sad that we weren't doing anything any more exciting than staying in the house or popping round to my mum's, but I soon snapped out of it. My little Archie is only ever going to be this tiny once. I'll never ever have this week back and I'm so glad that we've been able to spend it quietly together as a family of four, getting to know our littlest cub and showing him off to our closest family and friends that have visited. Lovely days out will happen again very soon, but for now it's been delicious spending a week in my house full of beautiful boys. Having said that, we did have a lovely afternoon for Henry's 3rd birthday at Wheelbirks yesterday. It was just for family and a few friends and we had such a lovely time. It's amazing how much more laid back we are this time. The thought of being out on day 6 for a good few hours, having lunch, poo explosions to deal with, a constantly feeding baby, a toddler to keep an eye on....it all sounds pretty stressful, but it honestly wasn't. It was so lovely to spend time with our closest family and friends and also lovely to have so many people willing to cuddle or rock our baby boy. Henry was thoroughly spoilt too and enjoyed the first of his birthday celebrations. 

Family life - I really don't want to jinx anything, and I'm sure we'll have bad days and weeks to come, but this week has just been so so perfect. Henry has been beyond anything I could ever have imagined. He hasn't played up, been naughty, looked for attention, been jealous, cried or had even the tiniest of tantrum. He's been loving and patient and for a child that's not even three, I think he's amazing. I honestly thought he'd be jealous of certain people with the new baby, my mum and step dad particularly, but he honestly hasn't, not even in the slightest. He adores his baby Simba so much, constantly wanting to hold him and stroke him and 'help' him to have his milk. Whenever he hears the words nappy change, he runs and gets the mat, a fresh nappy and the wipes ready. He's just been amazing and I'm so proud of what an amazing big brother he's been this last week. 

A week postpartum - Honestly, I feel great. The fact that I have been able to give birth to a big baby without so much as a paracetamol or a stitch continues to amaze me and it's helped so much with my recovery. The after pains this time were awful, so so much worse than with Henry, particularly for the first couple of days. The midwife said that they're always worse after your first birth which is weird, I'm definitely glad to be rid of them now. My tummy is soft, but pretty much back to how it was and my old clothes are starting to fit too. On day 2 I was wearing pre-pregnancy jeans (albeit my 'fat day' pair) and my tops all seem to fit too. I've lost 21lb, leaving 11lb to go to be back to where I was at Christmas time when I found out I was pregnant. That being said, I probably put on half a stone over Christmas so I'm really not that far off where I was in January! The human body really is totally amazing. 

My boobs are still sore from feeding. I don't remember it being this painful last time but maybe it was. I've had a bit of blood from one tiny crack which is obviously taking its time to heal...understandable when they're being fed from all day, everyday! The pain only lasts for around 10 seconds when he first latches though which isn't too bad. Hopefully it'll start to get less painful this week.  

All in all, a really beautiful week that I'll never forget. Now, if I could slow down time a bit for week 2...

A birth story...

Henry's birth was far from traumatic, I couldn't wait to do it all again so it really can't have been that terrible! It was long though, and there were a good few hours that were hideous where I felt scared and out of control. I hated being on the ward afterwards with a crying baby who didn't sleep at all and wouldn't feed particularly well for any length of time. I remember feeling pretty lonely that night pacing the corridors, aware that I was waking other mummies just as their babies had woken me at various points that night. I was upset when a midwife suggested I give Henry a cup of formula to stretch his tummy a little to make him sleep - it wasn't the advice I needed or wanted and it certainly didn't help that I was so tired after a 34 hour labour. After we left hospital last time though, everything was fine and I adored my little boy and our quiet days at home, getting to know one another. The hospital stay didn't matter, nor the labour, which like I say, could have been much much worse. I didn't have any stitches and recovered pretty quickly, loving my new role as Henry's mummy. 

Fast forward three years and as I was preparing myself for labour and birth and a hospital stay, I honestly just assumed that it would be very similar. I assumed long labours were just my thing and that hospitals weren't particularly nice places to have to stay. I wasn't worried or nervous, it was just very matter of fact and something I was looking forward to doing. It meant meeting our baby and to me that's what mattered most. I wasn't prepared to feel like I do about this labour and subsequent hospital stay, I didn't think it would be as 'perfect' as it ended up being. The timing, the outcome, everything was just as I wanted. I feel beyond proud of my body for pushing out a big baby on nothing more than gas and air, proud of my body for being able to recover so quickly, not needing a stitch or a pain killer along the way. I'm so glad that I can remember every single part of it, not hazy memories due to diamorphine or sheer exhaustion, but total vivid and fresh memories of something that was just amazing from start to finish. While those memories are so fresh I wanted to write them all down, so that one day I can read them back, maybe even with Archie when he's older, and remember how I felt  that day. How proud I was of my body and my baby, how much I loved him absolutely instantly, how I felt like I'd known him forever. Here goes...

Sunday 11th September 

We were starting to prepare ourselves for induction after a sweep the day before which hadn't seemed to have done a huge amount. Mr B stayed home to get all the house and garden jobs done, and my mum and I took Henry to Gibside for the morning for a nice long walk, half in the hope that it might kick start things and half because I wanted to make the most of every last hour I could with my biggest boy. We had a lovely morning, a nice long walk, play in the park, lunch in the cafe and then home for a nap with Henry too. All that and not so much as a twinge! As I say, we were pretty prepared for induction at this point. 

After our nap we played at home and in the garden and then Mr B said he wanted to pop to his dad's for an hour and that he'd take Henry so I could rest. I decided to have a bath with my kindle, so took myself off to the bathroom for an hour's peace before tea. The boys left at 6pm and I discovered pretty quickly after they left that I'd lost a lot of my mucus plug. The less said, the better, as it really was pretty grim, but it was also exciting too. I text Rob and told him but he was totally confused by the text and as I'd been fine 5 minutes before, I dont think he thought much of it. I got into the bath with my book and almost immediately started having little niggly pains. Not contractions exactly, but regular tightenings that felt like period pains. I decided to text my mum at that stage just in case things did escalate, but all the while I was thinking that I would probably be getting everyone's hopes up unnecessarily. 

The boys arrived home and we had tea (Marmar's steak pie - all the fuel you need for a good labour apparently) and again, I really wasn't in pain, they were just uncomfortable and undeniably there. Henry never once saw me wince and wasn't aware whatsoever that anything out of the ordinary might be happening. My mum said she'd come over for him anyway and he was more than happy to be having an unexpected sleepover at Marmar's for the night. I really didn't think things would progress quickly, if at all, but it helped knowing that Henry was safe and happy and if I was up all night in pain, I didn't have to worry about him seeing me. Mum arrived at 8pm, we chatted a little on the doorstep, she brought in some washing she'd done for us and then I sobbed when she left thinking about saying goodbye to my biggest boy. I decided I needed to wash and dry my hair just in case things did get moving so went into the shower quickly while Mr B finished some house jobs. In the shower I had 3 proper contractions which were the first thing to make me really feel like it might be starting properly. I quickly dried my hair in between contractions and put my PJs on with the idea that we'd get comfy and watch a film to pass a few hours. It became clear pretty quickly from that point that we weren't going to be watching any film and would need to go to hospital sooner rather than later, so I got my tens machine going and Mr B then decided to have a shower before calling the maternity ward. 

We called at about 9:15pm and arrived by 10. The pain was bad and the contractions really hurt, but the tens machine definitely helped and I counted my way through them as best as I could, knowing that when I got to 100, they'd be  almost gone. We parked up and went to be assessed upstairs (with a good 6 contractions along the way!) where the midwife said I was 4cm and she could move me to a room on the main ward. 

The ward was understaffed and beyond busy so I couldn't use the pool room, but I didn't mind too much and started on the gas and air as soon as we were settled which was just lush; it's seriously good stuff. I wanted to stay on my feet as much as possible and felt like it really helped me this time. I had a bath which was okay but I didn't like lying on my back so I quickly got out and back to standing and leaning over the bed. 

By about 1:15am I was really flagging and desperate to know if I'd progressed at all. I was getting a lot of pressure and the pain was a lot worse and I was worried I wouldn't be able to cope for much longer. The only way I can describe the pain at that point was it felt like my pelvis was cracking in half during a contraction, something I don't remember feeling at all last time. The midwife absolutely refused to examine me for another hour (as is their policy) and said I could have some diamorphine if I wanted, but without knowing how far along I was and how much longer I needed to keep going for, I was hesitant, so refused. It helped that she came back to check on us every 15 minutes, so I kept delaying making a proper decision until her next visit, and before I knew it, she was back to examine me at 2:15. 

We both genuinely thought I was going to be 5 or 6cm and I was preparing myself to have an epidural or some diamorphine. She told us I was 8.5cm, very close to being 9cm and it wouldn't be long. I've never been so happy and knew then that I didn't need any pain relief and I could absolutely cope on just the gas. We made the decision to call my mum then and she left a sleeping Henry with his Parpar to come down and arrived around 3am. By this point I was feeling so much pressure low down and my body was baring down without me doing anything during contractions. It was painful, but at no point did I feel out of control or panicked. Not long after my mum arrived my waters went with an almighty pop all over her feet behind me and it felt like such a relief to finally be rid of them. 

During the next contraction I could feel that the head was really close to being born and within minutes the midwife said that she could see the baby and he'd be born with the next pain. I remember panicking that I could no longer stand up and called out to the midwife but by the time the words were out of my mouth, so was Archie's little head!  I didn't really even need to push, the midwife kept telling me to blow like I was blowing out candles and it was the most bizarre feeling in the world - I could feel the head there and knew that his body would come next and as soon as I could feel the contraction building, the midwife told me just to breathe and out he came. She passed him to me between my legs and I held my little boy for the first time, having quickly looked to see if he was a little boy or a girl. 

I quickly got onto the bed and they passed Archie to me while waiting for his cord to stop pulsating so they could clamp it and it was just dreamy. I adored him instantly, absolutely instantly and that skin to skin time was just perfect, just as it had been with Henry, only this time I felt so much better, more aware, no haziness at all.

He latched on to feed almost instantly which was just amazing and continued to feed for well over an hour while we snuggled in bed, ate toast and drank some seriously good sweet tea and then the poor midwife went off to help someone else on the busy ward! My mum left to get back to Henry and the three of us just enjoyed each other for those first few hours. Me lying in a pool of my own blood but not caring at all, Archie frantically feeding, and Mr B trying desperately to stay awake after a long night! 

I was eventually given a shower which felt so so good and Mr B dressed Archie and then went home for a few hours sleep before coming back around lunchtime to see us. I was moved round to the main ward and luckily, because it was so busy, I got one of the last available beds which was a private side room. After some breakfast on the ward, Archie and I had a few hours sleep and I tried to soak him up. Everything about him. That first few hours goes by so quickly and I just felt like the luckiest person in the entire world lying in that bed in the quiet, cuddling my new baby boy.

And that's how it stayed for another 24 hours really. Henry came to visit and loved his brother instantly, as did other family members, and the rest of the time was spent sleeping, feeding my little boy and eating huge plates of hospital food (which gets a terrible name for the most part, but I was so so grateful to be fed so well and so often, not having to worry about what I'd have or who'd do the washing up afterwards).

The midwives left us to it really, they realised we were fine, he was feeding well, I wasn't in pain, and they therefore just gave us the space to bond and get to know one another for the next 24 hours and that's exactly what I needed and wanted. I loved it and feel so grateful that we were able to get that time together before coming home.

Of course coming home was lovely too. There's nothing quite like your own shower and towels and sofa and all of those home comforts, and of course I'd missed Henry desperately too, so couldn't wait to get back to him. 

So that was it, at around lunchtime on Tuesday 13th, we drove home from the hospital, our hearts so much fuller than they had been just a day earlier when we'd arrived. 

A labour selfie, excited smiles all round 

In pain but in the position I stayed in for pretty much the entire labour

A brand new baby Archie, seconds old. 

Looking shattered but feeling on top of the world 

Meeting his big brother.

Chilling with his Leo Lion

Big boy all ready for home