Henry at 4

4 is a big step. 4 seems miles older than 3 somehow. I think it's something to do with it being school age, and if Henry had been 3 weeks older, I'd have a little school boy on my hands. He's settled into nursery amazingly, he loves it and he's now there 30 hours a week. He loves it but I'm struggling with it. I hate having to share him with school, I hate that I only see him for 3 hours a day during the week, even less on a Monday. But like I say, he loves it and that's the important thing. He tells us very little about his days except for odd snippets and usually what he's had for lunch and snack. It's strange having to let him go a little bit, let him have his independence and let him have a few hours every single day when I don't know what he's doing. But that's just what growing up's about isn't it? Every year I'll have to let him go a little bit more, but 4 seems to have been a big step in that respect so far and it's taken me by surprise. It's ridiculous that he's coping with it far better than I am. Says a lot about his personality really.

He still is the most beautiful and laid back little thing. Everyone comments on it. I know I'm his mummy and everyone thinks their children are amazing, but honestly, he is. He's kind, empathetic, calm and polite. He's rarely upset or cross, never rude and hates any form of injustice. I'm so beyond thankful every single day that I get to be his mummy and despite the worries about having to let him go a bit, I just love watching him grow up. It's an absolute privilege to be able to call him mine. Ours. Our little Pigwidgeon.

He is still a perfect big brother. In 12 months he has never shown even a scrap of jealousy towards Archie. I really thought he might be jealous of Archie going to my mum's while I was back at work and he was at school but he hasn't been at all. He shares with him, lets him play with his toys, lets him go in his bedroom (and usually absolute destroy it), lets him have the last biscuit, chocolate, whatever. Archie honestly couldn't ask for a better big brother but I'm slightly concerned all of this may be turning Archie into a spoilt monster, but you can read his 2 year update in a year's time to see how that turns out. Pray for us! 

He'll still eat pretty much anything and loves his food. His current favourites are any form of fish or shellfish. Fish and chips with Marmar on a Friday tea time is probably his favourite meal of the week but his other favourites at the moment include 'fish with heads on' (what you and I call whitebait), calamari and prawns. He loves his daddy's paella and huge bowls of pasta and any sweet treat going. He's still an absolute pain to get anything milky in to. Yogurts and cheese he'll tolerate but he certainly doesn't love them, and milk is an absolute no no. And peppers. Don't ever suggest he eats a pepper. He'll eat a dirty fried fish head in the form of whitebait but not a pepper. Go figure.

His other loves at the moment are dragons and knights, sword fights and anything from How to Train your Dragon. Vikings and Romans are a huge hit and he's fascinated with periods of history. He spends the majority of his time living in some kind of alternate world, role play is absolutely his thing. Small world play isn't something that interests him at all; if he can't act it out, he's not interested! We are all usually the characters from How to Train your Dragon, but also dip in and out of the worlds of Fireman Sam, Postman Pat and Bob the Builder. He loves to sing too and I think he's going to love drama as he gets a bit older, he absolutely takes after his Daddy and Uncle Simon there, I can think of nothing worse.

In terms of routine he doesn't usually nap anymore because of nursery, but he's more than happy to have a good few hours sleep on a weekend afternoon, but it does mean he'll go to bed a lot later that night. During the week he's up by 6:30 and always asleep by 6:30 too which is quite a big change over the last year. He's so flexible and when we were away in Spain he had a sleep every afternoon, so it's really lovely that he will still nap if we need him to or if we're going to be up particularly late one night. 

I've always noted down his weight, height and sizes in his annual updates so just for the record, he weighs 2 st 7lb and is 103cm, still pretty much 50th centile for both. He wears a mixture of 3-4 and 4-5 clothes and his feet are now a size 9. 

And that's it really. We have a 4 year old. I still can't get my head around that and I can't believe it was 4 years ago that I met him for the first time. Little did I know then about how much I'd adore him, how beautiful he'd turn out and what a perfect and loving little boy he'd be. Every night since he was a tiny baby, I've said the same thing to him as I put him down to sleep. I tell him that I love him to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond and forever and ever. He says it along with me now and I mean every word. I just hope that he always knows just how loved he is. 

Happy 4th birthday, little Pigwidgeon, you're the best thing that ever happened to me xxx

One

One. A whole year. 12 months. 365 days. Not a huge amount of sleep. Tears. Smiles. So so much love. 

I honestly can't believe I have a 1 year old, it seems like only yesterday that I was lying in that hospital bed overwhelmed with love for my tiny newborn baby boy. Yet, having said that, I feel like I've known him my whole life. I just don't remember what our life was like before him.

He's the happiest, easiest baby for the most part. He's almost walking, but not quite, and a total chatterbox too. He's the apple of his big brother's eye and the feeling is mutual, I'd say. Here's his 12 month update.

Weight: Archie now weighs 11.5kg, meaning he's pretty much down to the 91st centile line. Still a chunky monkey, but not quite as chunky as he once was! 

Sizes: Archie is generally now wearing his 12-18m clothes and is in size 5 nappies. He recently got his first little shoes and he's a size 4G. 

Feeding: Archie is still breastfeeding morning and evening and also through the night. He's really not particularly attached to his milk feeds and will easily go to sleep without them if we need him to, which is great. He's happy not to have a feed during the day and rarely 'asks' to be fed, it usually has to be offered to him. He's eating solid food like a total pro now; he'll eat anything and everything. He tends to just eat exactly what we're eating for each meal and we haven't actually found anything yet that he doesn't like. He's so so easy to feed like his big brother. His favourites are little veggie stick crisps, broccoli, strawberries and tomatoey pasta.

Routine and sleep: He's still usually having two sleeps a day, but can manage fine with one if it's around lunchtime. He tends to have a short morning nap about 10am and then a longer nap just after lunch. He goes to bed around 6:30pm with Henry and wakes up anywhere between 6-7am each morning. He is still a terrible sleeper overnight, made worse by the fact that he's currently teething and cut 3 molars in the space of a week! I'm really hoping once his teeth settle down a bit he might improve.

Milestones:

• He now has 10 teeth with another couple on their way through 
• He can stand up unaided now and cruises the furniture easily. He can walk holding a hand but still goes down to crawl rather than try to take a step when we leave go of him.
• He is talking so much, copying so many words we say to him and clearly saying over 20 words so far. He can say mama, dada, brother, Marmar, Parpar, dog, George, Peppa, yes, no, more, up, bad boy (!!), cuddle, row (as in row row row your boat), round (as in the wheels on the bus), banana, cat, duck, keys, night, hiya, hello and bye. He also says 'nee naw' for a fire engine and knows that a sheep says 'baa' and a lion says 'raaaah!' He's a real chatterbox! 

I think that's all there is to report on our little one year old; here's to the next 12 months! 

10 month update

10 whole months. Archie is turning into the most placid, happy boy. He's such a happy soul and he's just at such a lovely age where we're beginning to see his personality coming through. He's so easy - plays by himself, eats anything, doesn't rely on breastfeeds, goes with the flow, naps well in his cot. But he doesn't sleep at night and he is an absolute destroyer with a bit of a death wish at the moment! He's constantly trying to climb out of things, almost drowns in the bath on a daily basis resulting in us only letting him in the water for about 35 seconds each day, empties boxes, makes mess....he's definitely a handful in that respect!! His big brother still utterly adores him, even when he's pulling at his hair, trying to steal his food or playing with his toys. It's like we've had him forever, we just can't imagine life without him. 

Weight: Archie now weighs 11.1kg meaning he's finally dropped off his 98th centile line!! He's about the 94th centile now and hasn't put much weight on at all in the last couple of months since he's been on the move. He's still gloriously chunky though, I'll be devastated when he doesn't have his chubby rolls anymore. 

Sizes: He's wearing mainly 9-12m things now but some 12-18 things fit too so it's a bit of a mixture. He has a gorgeous summer wardrobe but the weather has been so awful I've found it really hard to dress him, as most of his warmer things are too big still. He's in 5+ nappies and we haven't been to have his little feet measured yet, but I'm sure it won't be long. 

Feeding: He's an absolute dream to feed. He'll eat literally anything you give him, he has such a good, healthy diet and he's dropped most of his daily milk feeds now so we're down to morning, night and an occasional one or two in the day depending on his mood (he's teething this week so has wanted a bit more than he has done for the past couple of weeks). If I'm not around, he doesn't need a milk feed at all and is just happy with water from his sippy cup. He does still feed during the night but I'm considering night weaning him once he turns one, or possibly weaning completely. I always said I wanted to get to him being one so I could skip formua and go straight to cows' milk, but now it's approaching I'm not sure what to do. I do think it'll be relatively easy to stop feeding him, because he's nowhere near as attached to me and to his milk feeds as Henry was at the same age. But at the same time, I'm never away from him for long, have nowhere I need to be overnight or anything coming up, so maybe I'll just do the easier thing and continue to feed him for a bit longer like I did with Henry. It's definitely on my mind and I'm starting to consider how and when to introduce cows' milk to him too. 

Routine: He usually has two naps a day, but manages with just one occasionally too. He tends to go to bed around 6:30pm at the same time as Henry and wakes around 7am on a morning. 

Sleep: He's a really good napper and naps happily in his cot, car seat or pushchair, depending on where we are that day and what we're doing. Night sleep still isn't good but possibly improved on last month. He goes down easily, usually half awake and aware that he's being put down, but that hasn't stopped the waking up during he night. He's an absolute nightmare but cosleeping for some of the night is saving us and so is knowing that it won't last forever.  

Milestones:

• He now has 7 teeth, a new bottom one arriving today. 
• He can wave hello and goodbye, as well as clap, and he wiggles his fingers for 'twinkle twinkle little star'. So so cute. 
• He can crawl forwards finally and he's pretty speedy too. I take my eye off him for 10 seconds and he's usually off towards the dog's bowl or his big brother's bedroom! 
• He can stand for a few seconds on his own and can cruise around the furniture now too. He's constantly pulling himself up to stand and can't wait to get walking himself! 
• He's 'talking' a lot more. He can now say mama, dada, dog, more and no. He's making all kinds of other sounds but they're the only ones that are definite words he uses. 

 

9 month update - long overdue

Terrible blogger alert. My old blogger app stopped working and meant that I could no longer blog in the middle of the night during night feeds or sat on the sofa feeding Archie. Sitting down with the laptop at the table to write a blogpost just isn't that doable with two little ones around, so I've been a bit slack on the monthly updates. All is well here though, I can't get over the fact that my baby is 9 months old. It's a countdown until his first birthday now and that's just terrifying. I'm now not going back to work properly until September which is just such a relief. I love our laid back days so much, just love our little routine that we've settled into nicely in the last few months. I'm sad that these baby days are numbered, that our baby boy is less baby-like by the day. It's gone way way too fast, but it's like our little Albicoccs has been with us forever, I quite simply can't imagine our family without him. 

Weight: Archie had his 6-12 month check with the health visitor at 8.5 months and now weighs 10.7kg. Still tracking the 98th centile exactly! 

Sizes: He's wearing a variety of clothes. Lots of his 6-9m stuff still fits, he's mainly in 9-12m things but some of his 12-18m stuff fits too! It's an absolute lottery trying to buy anything because it's so different shop to shop. He's in size 5 nappies too. 

Feeding: Archie is finally feeding less during the day. He has a morning feed, lunchtime feed and bedtime feed every day, and occasionally another one or two feeds in between if he wants them. He still feeds overnight too. He is eating solid food like a total pro. He'll eat anything if he's hungry enough, there hasn't been a single thing he's refused to eat yet. For breakfast he usually has Greek yogurt with fruit, weetabix or porridge. Lunch and dinner is generally similar to whatever we're having, or purée if we're having something unsuitable like steak or something spicy. We were in Spain a few weeks back and no one could believe how well he ate, he definitely got a taste for paella out there!! 

Routine: He has 2 naps a day now, usually at around 10am and 2pm. We try and fit them in around whatever we're doing so they aren't set in stone, but I do find that he's pretty similar every day. 

Sleep: He really is a terrible sleeper still. He rarely goes longer than 2-3 hours at night, often waking up way way more frequently than that. I'm shattered, I probably only get to nap once or twice a week, but there's nothing that I can do except grin and bear it and know that it will get better one day. Henry was an appalling sleeper and even he improved eventually, so I haven't lost hope! 

Milestones:

• Albi has 6 teeth, 4 on the top and those cute bottom 2. He hasn't really suffered too badly with getting them either, so that's good. 
• He can crawl backwards and roll anywhere, but isn't managing to move forwards yet!! It won't be long though I don't think.
• He can clap is hands when you ask him to and thinks he's very clever when he does it! 

 

 

A Peter Rabbit christening

I wanted to write a post about my littlest boy's christening which we had two weeks ago now. It really was a totally perfect day, not how I imagined it to be necessarily, but so perfect and something I wish we'd done for Henry and something we'll definitely do for any subsequent children that we may have. It wasn't a big affair at all, in fact I'd felt so guilty about it for the weeks leading up to it because we'd had a big party at home with 30 guests for Henry's christening when he was 9 weeks old. When Archie was 9 weeks old I couldn't even imagine doing something similar and truth be told, I found Henry's christening more stressful than it needed to be and whilst I'm sure everyone else enjoyed themselves, I was stressed, tired and spent the majority of the day feeding my hungry newborn and pacing up and down with him to try and get him to sleep. When everyone went home at the end of the day we still had guests staying that we needed to entertain, and carpets to hoover, cups and glasses to wash and chairs to put away. I just knew that I didn't want to do such a big party this time around and certainly not at home.

When Prince George was christened I remember thinking that it was a lovely idea to just have closest family and godparents invited - his was the first christening where I'd heard about someone doing that and I decided that that was what I wanted to do this time around. Of course there were a few really good friends that I'd have loved to have been there and family too, but we just had to be really strict. It was a case of inviting 12 people or 30; once you start inviting odd friends or family members, there are suddenly others that you 'have' to invite and then you end up with a huge party again. So that's what we did. Invited our very immediate family and Archie's godparents - my cousin and his fiancee and my oldest childhood friend. Three people that I know will be there for my little boy forever. Three people that were so excited about his arrival and adore him so much. He's so lucky to have so many people that love him and care for him and most of those people were there to celebrate with us that day.
At the church there were three babies being christened and one family must have had over 100 guests - quite a contrast to our 13! 

The service was really lovely though and Archie was an angel throughout. Henry enjoyed sitting next to the vicar's feet and being a 'helper' and as far as christening services go, it was really really lovely. We had a few photos afterwards and then headed out for a posh lunch just down the road.

Chinese food isn't your average christening lunch but there's an amazing posh Chinese restaurant by us and that's where we chose to go. Everyone at the table knew one another well, no one felt uncomfortable or awkward and we all had such a lovely meal chatting and laughing. Both boys were so well behaved and it was lovely to be surrounded by our closest family and friends.

After the meal,we came back home for drinks and cake, and again, because everyone was so close, it was really relaxed. 

Most people just helped themselves to drinks, the boys soon disappeared upstairs to watch the Sunderland game and the ladies sat downstairs and chatted for hours.

 It was so so lovely and a pretty perfect way to spend a Sunday. When everyone had left there were literally a few cups to wash up and the house was back to normal once again. So easy compared to last time and we'd all had such a lovely afternoon.

I loved planning the christening this time around and we had some lovely little details that made the day more personal and special. Lovely Peter Rabbit invites, little seed favours for the table and pretty place cards, a playlist of songs chosen especially for Archie and a few decorations in the house. The whole thing didn't cost a huge amount of money, and both sets of parents kindly helped us to pay for it, but it was so perfect. I can't imagine having done anything else now and I'm so glad that our little Archie was able to have his special day surrounded by 12 people that love him so much. He's a lucky lucky boy.

5&6 month update

Apologies for lack of updates. Life is busy with two little ones. Lazy, laid back, relaxed, but still busy. I rarely get a chance to sit still for a second, let alone drag out the laptop for a blog post. I'm going to make a conscious effort to blog more though, maybe setting aside one morning a week when Henry's at nursery and it's just me and Archie at home. But those mornings are oh so precious. 2 and a half hours of precious toddler-free time. Time to hoover, disinfect, cook, freeze tiny cubes of puréed down baby food, time to shop, pick up orders, do a Post Office run, send emails, stop for coffee and cake, wander aimlessly around the shops without the usual swift run in and grab anything off the shelf accompanied by two small children. You get the idea. Mornings are precious and we bloody love them. Sorry to future Henry who may be reading this, but I do love them. But what I love more is my absolutely favourite time of every day. Honestly, my very favourite. Coming to meet you. I love that more than anything.

Anyway I digress, on to Archie's 5&6 month update. I have a 6 month old. Half a bloody year. It feels like we've had him forever, but it's terrifying that he's no longer a young baby. He's learning new tricks by the day, developing his own little personality and quirks and we've really settled into life as a four now. I no longer have the pangs for alone time with Henry, or with Mr B, I'm used to having my little Albicoccs with me 24/7 and I adore it. I adore him. He's just so nice. I can't really describe his personality in any other way. He's so so nice. Except for when he has the odd bad day...then he's bloody awful and everyone knows about it!! But for the most part he is really really settled and easy. He's happy to be put down and left alone, happy to be held by people he doesn't know all that well, happy to be smooched and squeezed and snuggled by his big brother, he's just generally a happy little boy. Here's a quick 6 month update:

Weight: He weighs 22lb or 10kg exactly now - still tracking that 98th centile line. A proper chubby little bunny.

Sizes: He's mainly wearing 6-9 month clothes, although a couple of his things are now 9-12 months. I can't believe how quickly this child has grown out of clothes, it's ridiculous!! He's wearing size 4 nappies now too.

Feeding: He's still breastfeeding like a pro, he's a super quick and efficient feeder and in the last few weeks he's dropped to feeding every 3+ hours. Finally! He had a really funny few days when he first got his teeth when he refused to feed completely (so stressful) but after that was over, he never went back to his constant feeding and we're in much more of a routine with milk feeds. He started solids too at 5.5 months and is doing so so well with that. He manages really lumpy foods and does well to hold food and feed himself too. He's loved everything he's tried so far - every fruit and vegetable you can imagine, as well as pork, chicken and salmon in various forms. Tonight I made the boys a separate tea to us and it was so nice giving them an early dinner together, both of them eating the same thing, giggling at one another across the table and being generally silly. It's how imagined having children to be and it was just lovely.

Routine: He has three naps a day, one in the morning a couple of hours after he wakes up, a longer one in the afternoon and then a short evening nap after tea. His evenings are pretty horrendous because he just doesn't settle well until really late and we've tried everything we can think of but nothing's worked. So for now we're just taking it a day at a time, telling ourselves it's a phase that'll pass, and enjoying having him snuggled with us (often dozing on and off) downstairs on an evening until about 9pm. His routine is super flexible and he's generally a really flexible baby. He'll happily nap wherever we are as long as he's in a pram, his car seat, or in someone's arms being cuddled in - the joys of having a big brother with a busy social life mean that that's his only really option! He's finally stopped screaming in the car (except for night time journeys, bizarrely) which is such a relief because it was so stressful knowing that he was so distressed being out in the car.

Sleep: Ugh, sleep. Still terrible. No real reason for it being so terrible other than he's a baby and clearly not 'a sleeper'. He regularly wakes up every hour over night, every two hours is standard. Any more than that is a miracle. Thoroughly depressing, I look horrendous with the worst eye bags and I'm carrying a good few pounds of unnecessary weight which is a direct result of a new addiction to lattes which I can't really get through the day without. The less said about sleep, the better.

Milestones:

* Archie got his first tooth when he was still 4 months old and his second followed a week or so later. Really really early for teeth, but they're so super cute in photos and there's no sign of any more as of yet. He had a few days of being really grumpy because of them but all in all, not too bad considering.

* He can roll from his back to his front now, as well as the other way which he's been doing for a while. He can actually travel quite far just by rolling which is funny and we need to be really careful where we put him and what he can grab that's nearby!

* He learnt to sit up at 4.5 months and has slowly got better at sitting for longer periods. He's much much stronger now and sits really well on his own for ages, occasionally topping sideways if something grabs his attention before he's had a chance to steady himself.

* He's had his first food and is loving life now that he can eat. I've heard people talk about babies who were obviously ready for food and never really thought much of it until I had Archie. I only decided to start weaning one day when we were out and he was practically launching himself, open mouthed, at my scone. Even now he is like a little bird sat waiting for his mummy to feed him with his mouth wide open if we're eating something nice. He's definitely a hungry little boy.


And that's all I can think of at the moment to include. It's almost 10pm and I'm so ready to sleep so I'll probably end up editing this during a night feed when i suddenly remember something that i meant to include. Roll on month 7. I'm most definitely not ready to have a 7 month old - this is getting ridiculous.

4 month update

4 months. 4 whole months. I can't cope with how quickly these weeks are flying past. Archie has been pretty delicious this month. If you ignore the sleep (oh how I miss the sleep), he's been so so much easier than he was last month. He's such a bright and happy little thing most of the time, my little sunshine. I often sing 'you are my sunshine' to him at nap times when I'm rocking him to sleep and he really is. I can't believe we were ever without him really, I adore him so much, more than I ever believed I would. Anyway, I could talk about how much I love him all day so instead, here's a quick 4 month update:

Size - he's around 9kg or 20lb already, still tracking the 98th centile line perfectly. He's in size 4 (!!!) nappies and is in that awkward stage where he's between his 3-6m and 6-9m clothes, not fitting well into either!!

Sleep - Oh my god, the sleep. He wakes up ALL the time, rarely going more than 2 hours at a time, often waking up hourly for a feed. He hasn't had one good night all month, genuinely not one night of 3 hour stretches. I'm going to leave it there because it's just thoroughly depressing to even think about how long this might last if he's anything like his brother.

Feeding - He's feeding well, little and often still but I can live with that for the time being. Henry did the same but dropped feeds pretty quickly once he started on solids at 6 months so I'm hoping Archie will do the same.

Routine - I have to wake him up most days at 7:30 because we now need to get Henry to school for 8:45. He tends to then have a short morning nap of about half an hour at 9:30 and then a longer afternoon nap (up to 3 hours depending on where we are and what we're doing) at about 1pm. Evenings still aren't great. He goes down at 6pm fine with Henry but wakes on and off until about 9pm when he finally properly settles. I'm not sure why he doesn't just settle down for the night immediately and have tried everything but nothing is changing it. I've spent the last 2 weeks sitting up in his room for most of the evening trying to settle him back down in the dark so he gets used to it but it hasn't worked even a tiny bit, so part of me thinks it's just an age thing and we may as well have him downstairs with us instead of me being sat on my own all evening in a dark room with 2 snoring boys!! Henry was very similar, a real night owl, but he got to an age where he just happier to settle earlier so I'm hoping Archie will too.

Milestones -

• Archie can now roll from his front to his back and rolls onto his side from his back now too. He's desperate to sit up and constantly tries to sit forward - whether he's lying back on your knee or in his car seat, he just wants to be up! He's so strong on his feet now too and is happiest being held up on them having a little bounce around. 
• He still absolutely loves the water; bathtime being his favourite time of the day. I took him swimming for the first time which he loved so I'm hoping to do that once a week from now on. 
• He smiles and laughs a lot, he's a really really happy little soul and loves people giving him attention. He'll always reward you with a huge gummy grin if you smile at him or make silly noises or whatever which is just lovely. 
• He still coos a lot at people and makes all kinds of strange noises. He tends to have a little growl to himself when he goes to sleep just like his big brother did.
• He can hold things himself and is working on getting them into his mouth himself. He wants to bite constantly, I don't know if he'll get teeth early but Henry was never like this at all. He loves chomping on a finger, his fists or his Sophie la Giraffe that Santa brought him. 
• He still hates the car unless he's asleep and often screams for the entire journey. Having said that (touching every piece of wood and crossing everything as I say this), he has been a lot better this week so I'm hoping this is a sign of things to come and he'll continue to improve. 

And that's it for now. Like I say, he's just utterly delicious for the most part and although he's only been with us 4 short months, I feel like I've known him forever. My little Albicoccs.

A whole new routine

This week was a big week in our household; our baby boy started nursery school. It may not be a big deal for a lot of families, but having never left Henry with anyone other than my mum, it was for us. We aren't the type to leave the boys for a few days or to go on holiday without them, I'm used to having Henry with me wherever I go and I've been really lucky to never need to childminder, babysitter or a nursery for him with such a helpful and willing Marmar just up the road. So it really was a big deal for us. I didn't know how he'd be; whether he'd tell a stranger he needed the toilet or if he was upset or sad, whether he'd ask for help or listen to instructions even. It was completely unknown for us and as his first day approached I was dreading it more and more. The night before he started I cuddled him that bit tighter, kissed his blonde curls and it felt like no time at all since I'd been kissing his wispy baby hair in the hospital just after he was born. The last 3 years came flooding back and tears pricked in my eyes as I lay in bed thinking about how quickly my baby has grown up. Grown into the most beautiful, gentle and kind little boy. I adore him, so much more than I ever believed was possible. And now it was time to trust a total stranger to care for him. To me, that was a really big deal.

Meanwhile, unaware of my emotional meltdown at the prospect of kissing him goodbye at the school gates, Henry was laid back as ever about the whole thing.  He was mostly looking forward to wearing his new school shoes (that flash, no less) and didn't appear to have a care in the world. I dressed him on Tuesday morning, still wondering whether he'd be heartbroken when he realised that I wasn't going to be staying with him. Daddy came along for moral support, he too really emotional about leaving our baby with total strangers. We walked up the path together, me gripping Henry's hand tighter than he would have liked, him stomping along to make his shoes flash and Daddy trying to act tougher than he felt. Once we were inside they wanted to make it as quick as possible, understandably, and before I knew it I was kissing my baby boy goodbye and walking out, as bravely as I could manage but with tears pooling in my eyes. Mr B made the mistake of looking back and saw our little boy standing on his own looking a bit bewildered, with his key worker talking to him. He said that that's all he could picture in his head all day, our little boy looking a little bit lost in his new environment. He went in without a fuss, which pretty much sums Henry up. He does what he's supposed to do, he's not a fusser or a rebel, he just gets on with it and that's exactly what he did on Tuesday morning.

I went to pick him up an hour later and he was all smiles, telling me he'd had a lovely time and he'd painted me a picture...as if that wasn't obvious enough from the red paint which he'd managed to cover his white collar with. Y'know, the new white polo shirt that had never been worn before. Thank god for bleach is all I can say! And that was that. A few more snippets of information about a few crying children and you'd think nothing out of the ordinary had happened; it was just no big deal to him.

He went in happily the next morning and has done all week. We've had snippets of information here and there and that's the thing I've found hardest, not knowing what he's been up to for 3 hours of every day, it's just not what I'm used to. What we do know is that he loves snack time, has eaten raisins, a yellow apple ("even the skin") and a pear. He has friends called Charlie and Joey and he's managed the toilet fine by himself. He has to wiggle his fingers when the teacher wants them to be quiet and she rings a bell for snack time. Oh, and he has to cross his legs on the carpet. I know he's played in the sand and got sandy hands, he's painted pictures and played in the kitchen, but that's all he's willing to divulge for now and that's okay. It's something I need to get used to as he grows up. Its sad that I've had to let my little boy go a tiny little bit, sad that I've had to let him be that little bit more independent. But bittersweet too because I can see that he's so ready for it and he really doesn't need me as much as I'd like.

What is nice is the routine that we've now found ourselves in. The early morning alarm isn't great, but what is great is having us all up and dressed by 8am. Archie is in more of a routine already, bedtime is at 6pm every night and we have loved our lazy afternoons together this week. It's been one of my absolutely favourite weeks of maternity leave so far, despite us having been to nowhere majorly exciting, not having spent much money and having been Henry-less for 10 hours of it. And what I love most of all about our day is picking my little boy up at home time. I love the feeling I get walking up the path to school, I love peeking through the window and seeing him sitting in a circle with the other children, listening to a story. I love seeing his little face light up when he sees me and giving him a huge squeeze as I help him with his coat. That 2 minutes makes it all worth it and sadly I won't get to do that bit when I go back to work so I'm making the most of it for now.

And just like that we have a new little life, a new weekday routine and new habits to settle in to. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as I expected, it's been lovely to spend time with just my baby boy too and I know that I'm going to love our mornings together, just the two of us, just as much as our lazy afternoons all together as a three.

I'm so very very proud of my big boy this week. My three year old who was so quietly confident about the whole thing. Confident that we'd be back for him, that there was nothing he couldn't do. If only I could slow down time a bit; I have a feeling that this 'letting him go' thing is going to keep rearing its ugly head in the years to come and I don't like it one little bit.