7 weeks pregnant

This is hell. I can't be bothered to copy and paste the usual format into a new blog post, doesn't seem worth it to say the same again. I feel like death. 

It's currently 5:30am and I've been awake most of the night feeling sick, I was sick about half an hour ago and the nausea is now back again. It's relentless, I never ever get a break from it, day or night. I'm struggling more than I thought I would be, I feel miserable, completely disconnected to the little baby growing inside of me. I'm wondering why we wanted another baby, feeling selfish because I feel like Henry is the person suffering most through this. He's worried about his mummy, doesn't understand why trips to the doctor don't make her better. The thought of feeling like this for another 8 or 9 weeks are what makes it worse. Another day of this makes me want to cry, let alone 60 odd more days. I just can't do this, this is hell on earth. 

UPDATE

Reading the above is painful, but it's real and it's important to remember the bad moments as well as the good so it's staying. I hope it doesn't offend anyone. Baby Simba, if you read this when you're older remember that you were absolutely wanted, more than anything. But you caused your muma total hell for a few weeks! I have a feeling it won't be the last of the worry and stress you cause me either. 

Of course we are so so lucky to be carrying a healthy baby and to have fallen pregnant so quickly, but the honest truth is I've been so miserable and ill these last few weeks that it's hard to remember that at times.

Anyway, today I think we may have turned a corner. I saw the loveliest doctor at our surgery to ask about anti-sickness medication. He prescribed that and told me not to even give its safety a second thought, he said he wouldn't prescribe it in a million years if there was any doubt in his mind about its safety for me or the baby. He also gave me a scan which was totally unexpected, blurry and grey but magical all the same. We saw a tiny little heartbeat flickering away, just as it should be. He was happy that everything looked healthy and I was measuring almost exactly 7 weeks pregnant. I've taken a tablet, put on my PJs and I'm going back to bed for a few hours to hopefully start feeling more normal very soon. Fingers crossed!