Henry No-Naps

My child is broken! He's had a sickness bug for three days and still isn't well. He hasn't actually been sick for a couple of days now, but he hasn't eaten for almost four...very u like him. Coupled with a really rough night last night, breastfeeding constantly and refusing to have a decent afternoon nap for two days, and I'm a broken woman! We were down to only a few feeds a day, but now that he's feeding all the time again, I'm absolutely bloody starving and thirsty all day. We'd finally got our night time routine sorted and had started having some really good nights of decent sleep, and now we're back to being awake feeding all night. I'm just not used to it, I thought we'd left those crazy newborn days behind. Ah well, these babies do like I keep us on our toes; he was obviously making things far too easy for me! 

I'm off to make a cup of tea, loads of toast and a massive pot of bolognese to feed us for dinner later on. Hopefully this increased breastfeeding might even shift the Christmas pounds....every cloud and all that!

Couldn't help but smile at nap time earlier. No sleep, but some gorgeous snuggles with this little one.

A bit of hope for those struggling with sleep

This is not intended be a showy off, how amazing is my child, kind of post. It's the sort of post I would have liked to read 6 months ago when I was losing hope that my child would ever sleep. That I'd still be feeding him to sleep aged 3. That I was teaching him bad sleeping habits.

Because that's what all the books, advice and old wives' tales would have had me believe. I've never hid the fact that Henry has always been a terrible sleeper. Always. From the day he arrived home from hospital, his night sleeping has been pretty shocking. Luckily he's always been a good napper and that's pretty much how I've managed to be a sane human being for the past 15 months. Anyway, I digress.

 

Our bedtime routine has always been the same; a story with Mummy, bathtime with Daddy and then up to bed with Mummy where I'd feed him to sleep. He'd then always wake up between 2-8 times per night. We've had so many nights where we've been up every hour, I can't even tell you how many there've been. Everything I ever read seemed to say the same: it wasn't good to feed a baby to sleep because it didn't help them to learn to self settle and this was a crucial skill to help them to settle themselves between sleep cycles at night. I tried several times over the months to get Henry to settle himself, but he would just cry and cry when I put him down. He wasn't ready, it was as simple as that. Some people are happy to just let their babies cry until they get the idea, but that wasn't for us and so I kept feeding him to sleep. I doubted myself a thousand times, I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing and wondered if people were right; was I really teaching my precious son bad sleeping habits? Was it my fault that he wasn't sleeping? And that's when I wish I could have read a blog like this. 

About a week ago I was feeding Henry to sleep as usual when he unlatched, totally uninterested in having any more milk and so I decided to try putting him in his cot which had previously led to inconsolable tears. This time it was so different. He lay happily, babbed away, stood up and wriggled round for a little while. I sang to him, patted his bum and eventually, after about half an hour, he fell in to a happy, contented sleep. There were no tears, he wasn't unhappy about not being in my arms and most importantly, he slept amazingly that night...12 hours sleep with just one wake up.  I continued to do the same for the next few nights and every night he fell asleep quicker. Tonight I gave him his feed downstairs after his bath, brushed his teeth and took him up to bed and put him in his cot wide awake. He was asleep in under 5 minutes. All week he's slept well, so I'm starting to believe there's a lot of truth it the 'don't feed to sleep' philosophy. The bit that I disagree with though, is that all babies are ready for this at the same age.  I'm happy that I fed Henry to sleep for 15 months; he's happy, content and secure in the knowledge that he can go to sleep knowing his mummy is just downstairs. Someone will always go to him if he cries, something that will always be true in our house.

I'm sure that Henry's sleep isn't totally sorted, I'm sure we'll have awful nights to come....that's parenthood after all!! We still cosleep for part of the night, it's just easier for us all at the moment and we're all happy with that. But despite all of these things, we've turned a massive corner in our nighttime routine and I'm so happy that we were patient and allowed Henry to do it in his own time. 

So for anyone out there reading that thinks their child will never self settle, they will. You aren't teaching your child bad habits by meeting their needs, needs that are totally governed by their instincts. Tiny babies can't be spoilt, they can't 'play you' at night. I've doubted myself for months but I'm so glad that I continued with what we were doing. It's taken 15 months but we're getting there, very slowly but surely!

A bloody lovely day

When I started working part time I dreamed of days like today....the reality is that being a working mother is exhausting and sleeping all afternoon while the baby sleeps is generally preferable to feeling like a zombie. I also don't always finish all that early and often have work to do on an evening. I still have errands to run and housework to do, so my part time dream wasn't really reflected in reality once I'd gone back to work. Don't get me wrong, I love nothing more than coming home after lunch and snuggling up for the afternoon with my little one, but the days just whizz by and I realise we haven't really done anything other than work, eat and sleep! 

Anyway today I got away from work nice and early at 12:30 and went for lunch in town with Marmar, Parpar and the little hen. We had Nando's and it was so good. Henry loved it as usual; he's getting to be a bit of an expert at the old corn on the cob eating these days! We then went to Tesco and I picked up some tasty food for the next few nights' dinners before heading home. Mr B was working from home so we spent some time with him before I took Henry upstairs for his nap and I went to sleep too. When we got up I had time to make some salmon and kale fishcakes for Henry's tea before actually having plenty of quality time to just sit and play with him. I didn't do any housework, didn't have any school work looming over me. It was just lovely. 

Henry's been going to bed so well the last three nights. Whereas before I'd always feed him to sleep or more recently, rock him in my arms, he's been going down into his cot wide awake and falling asleep himself while I sit by his cot and sing to him. I'm so so glad that I didn't listen a few months back when people told me I'd have to leave him to cry if I ever wanted him to fall asleep himself. He would always cry if I put him down awake and I can see now that he just wasn't ready. And now, without a battle or any fuss, he's totally ready to fall asleep by himself and we're really proud of him (and of ourselves for believing in what we were doing and having faith that we'd get there one day!). 

So generally today has been one of those days where Mr B and I say that we've been 'winning at life'. It's also Friday tomorrow (my favourite day) and I'm off to the spa with my friends on Saturday, out for brunch with our friends on Sunday and I just can't wait to spend some quality time with Henry over the weekend. Happy days.

Bit of a random photo but it made me laugh. This is what greeted me when I pulled back the duvet tonight! Boys!

January Favourites

I haven't done a favourites post in ages, but after Christmas I've got lots of new favourites to share, so here goes:

Philosophy - Purity Cleanser

I used this cleanser a few years back and loved it but forgot all about it until I received this again for Christmas. I absolutely love this cleanser; it makes my face so squeaky clean without drying it out too much. 

Benefit - Boi-ing concealer

This is another Christmas present and probably the best concealer I've found to date. I love Benefit's 'Fake Up' too, they're both really moisturising and actually cover dark circles, which most other concealers I've tried really fail to do!

Lancôme - Hypnôse Drama

I got this mini size mascara in my Selfridge's Advent calendar and it's brilliant. Definitely one of my favourites.

Calpol - vapour plug and nightlight 

Sorry for the boring baby product but we have been loving this this month. Henry was full of cold and had a chest infection last month and this helped him so much. He didn't have a night where he struggled to breathe or feed because of a blocked nose and this helped his cough massively too. I often wake up feeling a bit bunged up but this made me feel so much better too. The refills aren't cheap, at over £1 each (they only last one night) but they're definitely worth it if you have a poorly little one. They are lavender and chamomile scented and I'm sure the lavender helped Henry to sleep too as we had some excellent nights when using this! I think I might try having some dried lavender in Henry's bedroom from now on to see if that helps. It'll definitely be cheaper!

L'Occitane - Fleur de Cerisier eau de toilette

I got this bottle of eau de toilette for Christmas and love it. It's a little bit more 'mature' than my other perfumes but I've been wearing it every day recently and it's definitely become one of my favourites.

L'Occitane hand creams

I have a few different hand creams on the go at the moment and the L'Occitane ones are by far my favourites. I've had such dry hands recently (the joys of trying to keep conjunctivitis from spreading!) and so I've really needed to apply hand cream several times a day. A lot of other hand creams stay greasy for ages and you have to stop what you're doing for a good 10 minutes to let them sink in, but these hand creams just aren't like that at all. They sink in straight away, feel lovely, and smell amazing too. I've been loving the lemon verbena and shea butter scented ones as well. 

Bottle Green - apple and plum cordial

I first tried this cordial in Nando's and I love it. It's not cheap compared to other squashes that are available but it's worth every penny. I especially like it because it only contains natural ingredients rather than being full of sweeteners and artificial colours like other drinks you can buy. It means I'm much happier for Henry to drink it too and he loves it!

And that's it for this month's favourites. I always enjoy reading these on other people's blogs so hope you've enjoyed reading mine for January. 

My aims for 2015

I decided not to do the usual New Year's resolutions this year, they always end up broken and instead I decided to think more broadly of what I'd like to aim for in 2015. Here they are:

• Be healthier. I definitely want to get fitter and lose another half a stone or so this year. I lost almost 2 stone last year and only have a few more pounds to lose before having a healthy BMI. I really really want to do that by the end of the year and I know it's totally doable if I put my mind to it. I'd like to exercise more too, even if it's just a walk with the pram or a mile run on an evening. Both of these are much easier in the summer so I'll really make the extra effort this year once the nights are a little brighter and the temperature warmer. We'd really like another baby when Henry is 3 (2016) so by the end of this year I want to make sure I'm as healthy as possible to prepare myself for that. Last time I had such an easy pregnancy, uncomplicated birth and amazing recovery and I really want to give myself the best chance of doing that again. I certainly won't be an 'old' mum, but I'll be three years older than before, so a few extra pounds and increased fitness can't hurt!

• I'd like to have more of a routine on an afternoon when I get in from work. At the moment my mum goes to lots of groups and classes with Henry on a morning and then on an afternoon Henry and I both have a nap. This has been great but it means I'm not really enjoying any quality time with Henry; Im either at work or asleep! The plan is to have at least one or two afternoons a week where we do something before nap time, swimming or a baby group hopefully. I'm going to have a good search online this week to find things for us to do together, even if it means I have to miss a nap once a week....eek!

• I'd like to have more technology-free time at home this year. It's so easy to sit glued to our phones and totally ignore what Henry's doing. I'm sure all parents are guilty of it sometimes. I want to really make the effort to put my phone and laptop away until he's in bed and just sit with him and give him the attention that he needs. The same for Mr B too, ideally I think we should have one evening a week where we leave our phones in another room. I'm not sure how he'll feel about this yet....he's a Twitter addict at the moment so who knows! Technology is a great thing, but it totally stops people from communicating normally too so I definitely want to make more of an effort to be aware of this this coming year.

And that's it. No set in stone 'resolutions' as such, just a few hopes for the coming year. I'm looking forward to reflecting on them on my blog in a year's time.

Don't leave mum holding the baby

I read an interesting article earlier written by a doula which basically said how wrong it is that we 'expect' to feel depressed and sad after we've had a baby. I hated the negativity of blog posts and articles when I was pregnant, and even more so since having Henry, that would tell women how hard they'd find having a newborn, how it was fine to be miserable, to cry every day. This doula was horrified that this is the 'norm' in our society; that we expect to feel miserable. Particularly at a time when our bodies are naturally pumping out the oxytocin (happy hormone) to help us bond with our new arrivals. It's not 'normal' to feel totally miserable, it's normal in our society though. She puts this down to the fact that women are expected to be with their babies all day on their own. Their husbands go back to work after a week or two and they are literally left holding the baby. All day. Alone. Of course they're bloody miserable, particularly when previously they've had high flying careers or spent their days out with friends enjoying the company of others.

I absolutely adored my newborn days with Henry. I didn't even get that miserable day on day 6 where you are supposed to cry all day. I loved every single second. I felt like I was 'supposed' to be miserable. How wrong is that?! I now realise that the reason I loved those first few weeks was because all I had to do was look after Henry. Every morning I'd wake up and on my bedside table would be a glass of cold milk to pour over a bowl of cereal and a glass of cold orange juice. My husband did every food shop, made sure the house was hoovered and the kitchen clean. Every day my mum would arrive with a homemade lunch for me and she'd take Henry for a walk while I slept. She'd take home a load of washing and it would come back ironed the following day. My husband made gallons and gallons of squash; I'd never been so thirsty in my life. I very rarely poured a drink. My days literally consisted of sitting on a sofa watching trashy tv with a feeding baby who occasionally needed a nappy change. What's not to love? 

Unfortunately other people don't have that support. So many people don't have family living close by or husbands that work long hours. Sitting in a house for 12 hours alone every day would make anyone miserable. In the past neighbours wouldn't have thought twice about letting themselves in to bring a new mum some lunch, or to take the baby out in a pram. My mum always told me that when I was born her auntie would pop in to peel the potatoes and prepare dinner to help my mum out. It's just what happened back then, no one thought twice about it. Now new mums are up making tea and cake for visitors the day after giving birth. They're expected to have tidy houses and to look presentable. They definitely shouldn't be late for baby massage class three weeks postpartum and they should always have dinner on the table for their husbands. Gina Ford would even tell you to have sex with your husband asap after birth, literally a case of gritting your teeth and getting on with it, all for your husband's sake. Life should go on as normal after having a baby apparently. How wrong is this? What has happened to society for this to become normal?

The article I read has definitely made me think a bit more. I wonder what I could do for friends with new babies, particularly those with little support or who feel like they should be back on their feet the day after giving birth. I wish it was ok in our society to ask for help more, for women not to feel like failures for asking a friend to make them some dinner or to come and watch the baby while they shower. I wish it was more normal for women to stay in their PJs for a month after giving birth rather than slapping on the concealer to get to baby sensory class on time. Above all I am so grateful for the support I received, and still receive daily, that help me to be the best mummy possible to the most important little boy in my world. He is happy and content because his mummy is happy and content. I still have a nap most days, my house is still a mess, my skirting boards crying out for a good cleaning. My husband still does the food shop and hoovers the house, my mum still takes the odd load of washing and does the ironing. We all need to make more of an effort to help new mummies and get rid of this awful assumption that it's ok to be miserable after having a baby. It's not and it makes diagnosing real post-natal depression really difficult. Women are asking midwives and doctors for help because they feel miserable and they're being told that it's normal to feel like this. How, then, do we distinguish between this and depression? How to we ensure that mothers who are desperate for help aren't being turned away and being told that what they're feeling is normal when it absolutely isn't. It doesn't have to be this way, if only our attitudes to child birth and parenting were more like they were 100 years ago we'd all be a lot happier. In the meantime I'm going to get off my soap box and return to my messy house, huge pile of washing and dirty skirting boards. And do you know what? I've never been happier.

This is how we spent our newborn days. Absolute perfection.

What I got for Christmas

I was well and truly spoilt this Christmas, I have to say. When I was little I never understood why my mum didn't run down the stairs and tear open her presents the way that we did. I couldn't fathom why she wouldn't be excited about her presents and be more excited to see what Santa had brought us. This year I got it. My presents were left in a pile until Henry had opened his stocking and every one of his presents. I think we'd even had breakfast before I sat down to open mine. Despite being more excited about Henry's gifts, I received so many lovely things myself. Here's a few of them that I managed to take photos of before putting them all away.

• Mr B bought me a lovely Nails Inc red nail varnish which is a perfect shade for Xmas. I thought he'd done really well to choose it himself, but apparently the shop assistant chose it for him!

• My mum bought me this L'Occitane gift box which is full of Cherry blossom scented goodies. I absolutely love this scent and particularly love the eau de toilette which I've been wearing over the past week. A real treat because I can't justify spending this much on toiletries for myself.

• Mr B also bought me this lovely stripey jumper from Oasis. I love the mustard colour and it's nice and thin so it's super easy to wear. Love it.

• My lovely friend bought me this Boi-ing concealer which she's been telling me about for ages. I really really love it. I've never had a concealer that I feel really works; even YSL Touche Éclat was a massive let down, but I love this one. It's really easy to build up for those days where I'm particularly tired-looking and it's great for spots too.

• My bath unit is now full of lovely Molton Brown goodies thanks to Mr B. I especially appreciate this present because I know how much it pains him to pay so much for shower gel! I absolutely love Molton Brown and he did well with the scents too.

• I got this lovely Ciaté set from my brother and sister in law. It's a bottle of varnish and a pot of glitter to sprinkle over. I absolutely love coral shades so loved this. If only Henry would give me 5 minutes peace to paint my nails!!

• I love our new bedding so much. My mum bought the duvet set from M&S and Mr B bought the pillows. It's really brightened up our room.

• My brother bought us a bottle of Ambriel sparkling wine which is made in England. I've heard of it before because it's won loads of awards and am excited to try it. It's a particular treat because we rarely spend more than £5 on a bottle of wine for ourselves from the supermarket!

• Everyone needs cosy slippers for Christmas. My gorgeous niece chose these for me and I absolutely love them.

• Mr B bought me these gorgeous rose gold heart studs which I've had my eyes on for ages. I've been wearing the same pair of diamond studs for over 3 years now so it was definitely time for an alternative!! I love them.

I was a very spoilt mama this Christmas and appreciate having such a huge family at Christmas time. It costs us a fortune to buy for everyone, Christmas shopping takes hours of buying and hours to wrap but it's so worth it. Better start shopping for next year soon I think!!