Because that's what all the books, advice and old wives' tales would have had me believe. I've never hid the fact that Henry has always been a terrible sleeper. Always. From the day he arrived home from hospital, his night sleeping has been pretty shocking. Luckily he's always been a good napper and that's pretty much how I've managed to be a sane human being for the past 15 months. Anyway, I digress.
Our bedtime routine has always been the same; a story with Mummy, bathtime with Daddy and then up to bed with Mummy where I'd feed him to sleep. He'd then always wake up between 2-8 times per night. We've had so many nights where we've been up every hour, I can't even tell you how many there've been. Everything I ever read seemed to say the same: it wasn't good to feed a baby to sleep because it didn't help them to learn to self settle and this was a crucial skill to help them to settle themselves between sleep cycles at night. I tried several times over the months to get Henry to settle himself, but he would just cry and cry when I put him down. He wasn't ready, it was as simple as that. Some people are happy to just let their babies cry until they get the idea, but that wasn't for us and so I kept feeding him to sleep. I doubted myself a thousand times, I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing and wondered if people were right; was I really teaching my precious son bad sleeping habits? Was it my fault that he wasn't sleeping? And that's when I wish I could have read a blog like this.
About a week ago I was feeding Henry to sleep as usual when he unlatched, totally uninterested in having any more milk and so I decided to try putting him in his cot which had previously led to inconsolable tears. This time it was so different. He lay happily, babbed away, stood up and wriggled round for a little while. I sang to him, patted his bum and eventually, after about half an hour, he fell in to a happy, contented sleep. There were no tears, he wasn't unhappy about not being in my arms and most importantly, he slept amazingly that night...12 hours sleep with just one wake up. I continued to do the same for the next few nights and every night he fell asleep quicker. Tonight I gave him his feed downstairs after his bath, brushed his teeth and took him up to bed and put him in his cot wide awake. He was asleep in under 5 minutes. All week he's slept well, so I'm starting to believe there's a lot of truth it the 'don't feed to sleep' philosophy. The bit that I disagree with though, is that all babies are ready for this at the same age. I'm happy that I fed Henry to sleep for 15 months; he's happy, content and secure in the knowledge that he can go to sleep knowing his mummy is just downstairs. Someone will always go to him if he cries, something that will always be true in our house.
I'm sure that Henry's sleep isn't totally sorted, I'm sure we'll have awful nights to come....that's parenthood after all!! We still cosleep for part of the night, it's just easier for us all at the moment and we're all happy with that. But despite all of these things, we've turned a massive corner in our nighttime routine and I'm so happy that we were patient and allowed Henry to do it in his own time.
So for anyone out there reading that thinks their child will never self settle, they will. You aren't teaching your child bad habits by meeting their needs, needs that are totally governed by their instincts. Tiny babies can't be spoilt, they can't 'play you' at night. I've doubted myself for months but I'm so glad that I continued with what we were doing. It's taken 15 months but we're getting there, very slowly but surely!
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