Working Mummy Guilt

 I'd say my work/life balance is pretty good these days. I wish I'd worked part time years ago but it's not really something you even consider until you have children is it?

This last week has been tough though; the first week back after having a week off and spending every day and night with my little family. I've hated it to be honest, Henry hasn't been well and I haven't been able to look after him. He has been sleeping horrendously and I've had to function at work on very little sleep. All in all, a pretty crappy one. Friends from work were going out yesterday evening and I'd planned to go with them, but as soon as I got home with Henry I knew that I couldn't go out again, even once he was in bed. I just wanted to snuggle him, play games, read books and sing songs. I didn't want Daddy to do bathtime like usual, I wanted those precious 10 minutes with my little one without rushing to be back out to meet friends later on. I felt bad for letting people down, but I would have felt worse letting the Pigwidgeon down. 

I'd planned weeks ago to meet a friend in York today, bad timing because I'd be out for a good few hours meaning no Henry time. But I was looking forward to seeing my friend and to having a peaceful lunch that didn't involve Peppa Pig colouring books or bibs or eating as quickly as possible. I was looking forward to prosecco, coffees and wandering round expensive shops without keeping an eye on a toddler. And even that made me feel guilty. How could I look forward to going out without Henry? What a terrible mother I must be. I'd just got over feeling bad when my mum made a joke on the way out of the door...Henry was crying upstairs and she joked that I should feel guilty...I know she didn't mean it but they set me off again. I spent the entire train journey feeling bad for enjoying the peace.

I don't suppose it gets any easier, no one can prepare you for the guilt that comes with having children, I certainly didn't expect it. I know that I'm a good mum, I know that Henry adores me and I need time to myself, but it doesn't stop the guilt and the worry that I could somehow be better. We're off to the farm for the day tomorrow to ease my mummy guilt, hopefully a good family day will sort me out.