Good babies sleep?

"Is he sleeping through yet?"

The question that I dread people asking but the one that everyone seems obsessed with. A baby that sleeps through in their own room, in their own bed, is the holy grail of babies. It is what 'good' babies do after all isn't it?

Henry doesn't sleep through the night, he never has. I've never given him formula to get him to sleep through as has been suggested by many (even the day he was born, by a midwife). I've never done controlled crying to get him to sleep, again as suggested by many. I'm absolutely sure it'd work, but it feels so wrong to me to leave my baby to cry himself to sleep. I've tried putting him to bed at different times, a warm room, a cold room, feeding him more during the day, feeding him on a strict schedule during the day. He just doesn't sleep through. Does that make him a 'bad' baby?

In the western world we seem obsessed with making our babies independent. The day that I realised that my little boy was dependant on me and would be for a relatively short amount of time, was the day that I was ok with him not sleeping through. Babies aren't made to sleep through the night. Of course some do, but it's not the norm and I've realised that since having Henry. Before I had him I really assumed that all babies would sleep through and the parents must be doing something wrong if the baby wasn't.

Most of the time he wakes up hungry. Breast milk is processed much quicker than formula and generally breastfed babies will take longer to sleep through and require more feeds than formula fed babies. I'm sure I will give Henry some formula in the next few months as we gradually wean him, but I'm not going to do it just to get a few more hours of sleep. 

He sometimes wakes up and is simply unsettled. He needs a cuddle and rocking back to sleep. I don't know why he woke up, maybe it was his teeth hurting again or his little muscles aching after he'd used them for the first time to hold himself up or roll over. Maybe he was scared or needed reassuring that I was there and that everything was ok. Why has it become to wrong to comfort him when he wakes up in the night? Leaving him to cry it out would go against every instinct in my body. I am his mummy, I am the only person he needs in the night. Yet people are so quick to tell you they're getting 'spoilt' or that you need to let them cry it out until they fall back to sleep. This will make them a 'good' baby, an independent sleeper.

Have you ever seen a mummy pig surrounded by sleeping piglets? They sleep on her, touching her and one another, they don't choose to sleep on their own. Babies sleep better in their mummies arms or at least close to them. Most of them need that, they are no different to other mammals. We won't take puppies or kittens away from their mother too soon when we buy them as a pet, yet we want our babies sleeping in their Moses baskets, preferably in their own rooms, from day one. I find that so odd. Henry will settle so much quicker next to me, so on the nights that he's unsettled or poorly I take him next door to the spare room and sleep in there with him, whatever time it is, we all get a better night's sleep that way. I'm not saying cosleeping with your baby will work for everyone but what I'm saying is, it's actually more 'normal' than a baby who goes down awake, in their own room and can settle themselves for 12 hours without a peep. It's not abnormal for a baby mammal to need to be with their mummy to settle down to sleep.

I read a good article which talked about sleeping arrangements across the world and throughout history. It's really worth a read if you're struggling with a baby that won't sleep alone or sleep through.

Click here for the article 

The sooner I accepted that it wasn't the norm for a newborn to sleep through, the more I accepted the sleepless nights. Of course there are exceptions and some babies are just good sleepers. Just like adults, some babies need more sleep than others. My brother has 3 children and all 3 of them sleep differently, despite having been brought up exactly the same way. As I said, I'm ok with the fact that we aren't getting much sleep. We will get there eventually and I know that at this moment, I have a little boy that needs me in the night just as much as he does during the day and that's ok, it's the way it's meant to be.

So next time you see me please ask how he's feeding, how I'm feeling, how weaning is going, when I'm back to work, what he enjoys...just please don't ask how he's sleeping!! (This doesn't count for my mummy friends, you know who you are. There's nothing I love better than a good old discussion about our terrible night's sleep the night before. It keeps me sane knowing I'm not the only one!!)