Dear Henry - a special birth story

Dear Henry,

I wanted to write down this special story while it's still reasonably fresh in my mind, it's the story of the day we met. I want to be able to read this together with you when you're a big boy and for you to know how amazing that day was.

I'd had a pretty easy pregnancy, minus the hideous sickness for the first 15 weeks. I loved having you inside of me and I loved feeling you kicking and wriggling all day long. I was so excited to meet you, couldn't wait for the missing part of our jigsaw to finally arrive...to finally become our own little family.

I woke up on the 20th September (3 days overdue) with pains in my tummy. I knew this was it and I was so excited. I was in quite a lot of pain but I was just so excited that today would finally be the day I'd get to meet you (it turns out you were in no hurry to meet us!). It felt like Christmas morning, I had butterflies in my tummy and I couldn't sleep with a mixture of excitement and the pains coming every 10 minutes. I got up at around 2am and went downstairs but I let Daddy keep sleeping, I knew he'd need his energy for our exciting day.

By 6am I had to go and wake up Daddy. I told him I was in labour but he should still go to work. He had something he needed to do but he could be home around 10am. Then he saw me have one contraction and changed his mind, he wasn't going anywhere. Daddy rubbed my back and we got the tens machine working, it really helped me a lot all day. We called Marmar and told her, she was so excited too. Everyone was dying to meet you. At about 10am we called the hospital and they told us to go to the little hospital up the road to get checked over. I had to stop quite a few times when we were walking in because of the contractions, Mummy was a bit embarrassed because everyone was looking at us, but mostly I was still just so excited. At the hospital they told me I was 4cm dilated and we could go in to the main hospital in Durham whenever we wanted. We decided to get some lunch first and I really fancied a tuna sandwich and some raspberries. I craved berries for my entire pregnancy, I couldn't get enough of them, I wonder if you'll love them or hate them when you're a big boy. Daddy left me in the car while he ran into Tesco for the food. I had a few contractions while he was gone and I was very uncomfortable...then I saw Daddy coming back to the car empty handed, he'd forgotten his wallet!! Needless to say I wasn't impressed. He dropped me at home and went back for the food with his wallet this time, and I tried to relax a little despite the pain getting worse. I couldn't eat much of my lunch and we eventually decided to head to the hospital about 1pm, Marmar was going to meet us there. I remember trying to tidy the house up in between contractions thinking the next time I came home would be with you. It didn't quite work out that way though.

We got to the hospital and settled into our lovely room. The midwives were lovely and I still felt calm, but very excited. I was getting tired though because I'd hardly had any sleep. Here is a picture of me with my tens machine:

Just after we'd checked in the midwife went off to get me some paracetamol and she asked if I was allergic to anything.

"No, nothing." I replied. 

"Yes you are, you're allergic cats!" Daddy whispered over. The midwife burst out laughing.

"I wasn't planning on giving her a cat for pain relief, I meant medication!"

He did make us giggle!! Silly Daddy.

After a few hours the midwife examined me and found that I was only 3cm dilated. It's impossible to go backwards so either she was wrong or the midwife earlier had been wrong. I was gutted, I cried and cried and felt so sad that I was no closer to meeting you. The nurse made me some toast and told me the best thing I could do was go home and try and get some rest. My contractions had become much less frequent and labour had pretty much stopped. I don't think I've ever been so disappointed in my entire life.

Anyway we packed up our things and drove home. I was exhausted and hungry so Daddy made us a big bowl of pasta with tomato sauce and we watched some tv before having an early night. I got to sleep around 7:45pm and woke up at 11pm with the worst contraction I'd felt so far. I remember trying to lie still so I didn't wake Daddy but it was impossible. I got up and went downstairs but had to wake Daddy pretty soon after. We called the hospital and went back in around 1am.

This time the journey in the car was horrendous. The contractions were beyond painful and I was really panicky. I remember having a huge contraction as I got out of the car and a lady asked if I wanted a wheelchair but I couldn't even sit down it hurt so much. 

We eventually made it upstairs and settled into our room. The midwife examined me and said I was around 5cm and I definitely wouldn't be going home until you had arrived, which was a huge relief. We decided to let Marmar have a few more hours sleep before calling her to come back in. I'd packed sooo much in my bag but in the end all I wanted was a packet of mints and loads of water, everything else stayed in the bag the entire time. I started using the gas and air and I have to say, it was amazing. Daddy tried it (a lot!) too and couldn't believe how amazing it was either.

I had a bath and tried to relax but the pains were much worse, particularly in my back. 

Marmar arrived about 6am and at that stage they decided to break my waters. They broke them at 7am when I was 6cm dilated and from then on in, it got much more painful. There was a tiny amount of meconium in my waters so they had to monitor me because they were worried you could be distressed. Lying on my back on the monitor was just so painful, I really hated it. While I'd been on my feet I'd felt ok but I was just in constant pain on my back. I couldn't even feel individual contractions, it was just constant pain.

At about 10am I kept telling the midwife that I needed to push but she told me to try not to and to wait another hour until she had planned to examine me again. I tried to ignore the feeling and assumed we still had a long way to go but I was in so much pain at this point. Eventually they kept losing your heartbeat on the trace so decided to try to put a clip onto your head so they could keep a closer eye on you to check everything was ok. It was only when she went to do that that she realised your head was pretty much ready to be born! If only she'd listened when I'd been telling her! Nevermind, I started pushing and 3 pushes later at 11:06am, you were out. The last bit really was as simple as that. I honestly couldn't believe how easy it was. I didn't need any stitches, I don't remember it being horrifically painful or anything. So after 32 hours of contractions, you decided you were bored of waiting and made the last part so easy for Mummy.

The second that I saw you I knew I loved you more than anything. I cuddled you straight away before they cleaned you up and I told you I would love you forever. Daddy was crying next to me and Marmar was sobbing at the foot of the bed. It was the best minute of my entire life and I wish that I could replay it over and over. After they'd cleaned you up and Daddy had cut your cord, they put you under my nightie and we had skin-to-skin cuddles for an hour. You didn't cry or anything, you just cuddled up to me and looked around. It was magical. 

After that they gave you to Daddy for some skin-to-skin cuddles and I had a cup of tea and some lunch. I don't remember what my main course was but I had apple pie and custard for dessert and it tasted better than anything I'd ever eaten on my entire life. After 32 hours of pain and very little food, that apple pie was just divine!

Finally Daddy dressed you in a babygro that was way too small, you were so skinny but super long so your little toes were curled in the ends of the feet! I had a quick bath and then they moved us to the postnatal ward where we stayed until the next day. You were a super lazy feeder to begin with and I was really worried about why you wouldn't latch on...it only took you a few days to turn into a proper boob monster though and almost 10 months later you still are.

So that's it, my love. The story of our very first day together, the 21st September 2013. The very best day of my life and one I will never forget. I'll probably forget details like Daddy forgetting his wallet and lunchtime and how I shouted at Marmar a lot (!!!), but I'll never ever forget how I felt that moment that I saw you.

Just like I told you then, i will tell you now... I will love you forever, little one.

Love,

Mummy xxx