Where Mother Nature went wrong...

Over the last year, I have been constantly amazed by Mother Nature. I was amazed by how my body became the perfect home for a growing baby, I was amazed by how my body knew exactly what to do in labour, it knew when to push and it knew how to love that tiny screaming baby totally unconditionally the second he was born. I was amazed that within seconds of him being born, my body had produced colostrum to feed him, full of antibodies and goodness, perfect for his tiny body. I was amazed in the coming weeks that my body just didn't need the same amount of sleep, where I'd gone from being a deep sleeper, I now woke when my baby's breathing changed slightly or when he moved his head in his sleep. Quite simply, Mother Nature is just amazing. 

Apart from one thing. One failing. Surely when a new mother is totally sleep deprived, her body should do everything it can to get sleep as soon as her baby is asleep. But no. I spend my nights lying wide awake staring at my little boy. I watch his chest rise and fall, over and over. I kiss his eye lids and every tiny finger. I whisper in the darkness and tell him how much I love him. I can't take my eyes off him. I may have only had an hours sleep all night, but it makes no difference. Watching a sleeping baby is possibly one of the best things in the world. It makes me appreciate everything, I think about how lucky I am and how much I adore that tiny sleeping human. How I'd do anything for him. 

But it has meant that I've lost hours of precious sleep at a time when I've needed those hours the most. So that's the one failing of my body...it has lost the ability to sleep anytime, anywhere. But I wouldn't change it for the world.